Losing a child is the kind of pain that doesn’t fit into words. It’s not just sadness. It’s a deep, soul-level grief that changes everything. If you are reading this today, you may be walking through the darkest season of your life, and the idea of hope after losing a child may feel impossible. But I want to gently remind you that hope is not a feeling, it is a lifeline. And even when your heart feels shattered, God can still meet you there.

In a conversation with author and bereaved parent, Linda Dillow, we talked about how hope, love, and loss intersect in the life of a grieving parent. Her story is heartbreaking: she lost her daughter, Joy, to cancer during the COVID years, while also watching another daughter fight cancer at the same time on opposite coasts. And yet, through that pain, she discovered something many of us need to hear: hope can exist even when the circumstances don’t change.

If you’ve lost a child, you may be asking, “How do I get through this?” The truth is that hope after losing a child is not a magic fix. It is a journey. But it is a journey you do not have to take alone.

Hope Is Not Wishful Thinking

Linda has discovered eight “heart skills” we need, to help hurting hearts cling to God and not give up, which she put into a book titled Hope for My Hurting Heart.

One of the first things Linda emphasized is that biblical hope is different from the hope that the world offers. The world’s hope is based on circumstances of things changing such as healing happening and life returning to normal. It is just a “wish” for things to be different. But God’s hope is based on His character.

Biblical hope is a confident expectation that God is good, even when life is not. 

True hope is rooted in the nature of God; the One who sees the big picture, the One who holds eternity in His hands. It’s saying, “God is still God, and He is still loving me,” even in the midst of the suffocating darkness of grief.

Linda described how she began to feel herself slipping into despair after her daughter died. She felt like she was sliding under the surface, drowning in grief. And in that moment, God gave her a simple but powerful instruction: write a declaration of hope.

She wrote three statements, based on Scripture:

• God, don’t waste my pain.
• Use my pain to build perseverance, character, and hope in me.
• Abba, comfort me so I can comfort others.

This is the heart of hope after losing a child. It is not a denial of pain, but a surrender of it to God.

Hope Comes Through Love

The second heart skill Linda talked about is love – specifically, receiving God’s love.

So often, grieving parents feel like they must earn God’s love by being “strong enough” or “faithful enough.” But God doesn’t want us to start with doing. He wants us to start with receiving.

Linda describes a young woman who couldn’t feel God’s love in her heart. She knew intellectually that God loved her, but it hadn’t reached her soul. When Linda asked her to imagine God thinking about her, the woman began to cry because she realized that she had never truly received that love.

This is such an important point for grieving parents: your worth is not based on your performance, your strength, or your faith. Your worth is based on the fact that you are God’s beloved child.

In grief, it’s easy to become a “doer.” We try to fix things, trying to find answers, trying to stay busy so the pain doesn’t catch up. But God is calling you into a place of receiving. He wants to wrap you in His love like a warm blanket.

Linda loved the idea that I use a physical blanket (with hearts on it) as a symbol of God’s love and comfort. A blanket is something you can wrap around yourself when your heart feels cold and empty, as a way to wrap yourself up in God’s love. And if you’re wondering whether that sounds too simple, remember: God often meets us in the small, tangible moments when our hearts feel too heavy for words.

Loss Is a Heart Skill

This might sound strange, but loss is a skill. It is a heart skill that must be learned.

Linda challenged us to ask two questions:

• Do I accept my loss?
• How does God use loss to change me?

Grief is not something we can rush through. In many cultures, there are rituals that honor the grieving process and give it time. But in American culture, we often try to “move on” too quickly. We want to celebrate life and then pretend that everything is okay.

But grief doesn’t disappear just because we celebrated their life, or because we stop talking about it.

When we deny our pain, it doesn’t vanish. It simply goes underground. Eventually, it will resurface in a way that hurts even more. That’s why accepting loss is not a weakness. It is an act of courage.

Accepting loss means acknowledging the reality of what happened and allowing yourself to feel the pain, even when you think you can’t take it. It means letting God meet you in your brokenness.

And when you allow God into the broken places, He can begin to transform your pain into something meaningful. Not because the pain is good, but because God is good.

Hope After Losing a Child Is Still Possible

You may be reading this and thinking, “But my pain is too deep. My grief is too heavy. I don’t see how hope is possible.”

And I want to be honest with you: hope does not mean the pain goes away. Hope does not mean you stop missing your child. Hope does not mean you stop grieving.

Hope means God is still with you. Hope means He can carry you even when you feel like you can’t take another step.

Linda shared that when her daughter, Joy, died, God showed her a picture of Joy in heaven. It didn’t erase the pain, but it gave her a vision of the future, a glimpse of the eternal love that waits for her when she joins her daughter.

If you are grieving, I want to encourage you to hold on to the truth that your child is safe in God’s hands. And while that truth doesn’t remove your pain, it gives you a foundation to stand on.

Practical Steps to Build Hope

If you’re wondering how to begin, here are a few simple, gentle steps you can take:

Write a Declaration of Hope

Even if you don’t feel it yet, write a statement like Linda did. Here are examples you can use:

• “God, don’t waste my pain.”
• “Use this to build perseverance and hope.”
• “Comfort me so I can comfort others.”
  

Receive God’s Love

Stop trying to earn God’s love. Let it enter your heart. Ask God to show you how much He loves you, not just in your head, but in your soul.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Give yourself permission to mourn. There is no timeline for grief. You don’t need to “be strong” for anyone.

Hold on to the Promise of Heaven

God is not finished with your story. Your child is with Him, and you will be reunited one day.

Final Thoughts

“Pain redeemed is better than pain removed.” That is a hard truth, but it is also a beautiful one.

When God enters our pain, He doesn’t erase it. He transforms it. He uses it to draw us closer to Him and to deepen our faith. And He uses it to help us comfort others who are hurting.

If you’ve lost a child, your grief is real, and your pain is valid. But you don’t have to live in darkness forever. Hope after losing a child is possible, not because the world gets better, but because God is faithful.

Wrap yourself in His love today. Let Him hold you. And take one small step toward hope, even if it’s just whispering, “God, I need You.”

You are not alone. We need each other, and we all need Him, to help us get through this journey. Let’s do this together. 

NOTE: This post was taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, episode 335. I encourage you to listen to the full conversation by clicking here, or by finding Grieving Parents Sharing Hope on your favorite podcast app. In this episode, Linda shares the first three Heart Skills from her book Hope for My Hurting Heart: 8 Heart Skills to Help Hurting Hearts Cling to God and Not Give Up. If you would like to go deeper, you can find the book here. As an affiliate, GPS Hope receives a small percentage at no additional cost to you, which helps us continue offering hope and encouragement to grieving parents.

Click here to order Linda’s book Hope for My Hurting Heart.  (Note: This is an affiliate link, which means a small portion of your purchase price will go to GPS Hope.)

Click here to support the podcast, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content.

Coming soon: The Bible’s Grieving Parents paperback and Companion Journal.

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.