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305: Waiting for Answers After Child Loss

Have you found yourself stuck in the endless questions of why after your child died? Why did this happen? Why my child? Why didn’t God stop it? In this raw and tender episode, Laura gently explores what it means to live in that painful space between loss and healing—where answers often never come, and “closure” feels like a betrayal.

Drawing from a powerful quote, “You can get closure, or you can move on, but you can’t have both”, Laura speaks directly to grieving hearts. She reassures us that moving forward does not mean letting go of our child, but instead carrying their love with us into a life that can still have purpose, even without answers.

Through honest reflection and Scripture, you’ll be reminded that:

  • It’s okay to not have closure.
  • It’s okay to not be okay.
  • And it’s okay to begin hoping again.

Laura also prays a heartfelt prayer of comfort, peace, and a gentle nudge toward hope, even if it’s just a flicker.

Whether you’re barely breathing or beginning to take tiny steps, this episode is a heartfelt reminder that you are not alone—and you can be a pareavor with hope.

Links Mentioned in this episode:

New “Pareavor with Hope” Merchandise Line
Every item in this new collection is designed for grieving parents—featuring a shattered heart lovingly pieced back together, with the words “Pareavor with Hope” across the front. It’s not just apparel—it’s a sacred statement of who we are. 

Click here to see the full line of “Pareavor with HOPE” shirts, hoodies, ball caps and stocking hats.

Birthdays:

Join us as we honor the precious children being remembered this week.

Jack Crean was born on July 16 and left us at age 18.

Hayden Beck was born on July 17 and left us at age 16.

Jimmy LaPlante was born on July 19 and left us at age 39.

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

The GPS Hope logo featuring a sunrise rising over soft clouds and a teardrop-shaped emblem, symbolizing faith-based support and healing. It represents national grieving parent support after child loss, emphasizing community and hope through gpshope.org

www.gpshope.org

The GPS Hope Mobile parked and ready for outreach—a 420-square-foot motorhome used as a national grief support ministry for grieving parents. This image marks the one-year anniversary of GPS Hope becoming fully mobile, offering hope, comfort, and faith-based resources to pareavors across the country after child loss. Image includes gpshope.org, representing a journey of healing and support on wheels.To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

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Getting Through the Grief of Child Loss, One Step at a Time

A single tree standing in a foggy landscape, symbolizing the quiet, uncertain journey of grief. Graphic text reads: “Getting Through the Grief of Child Loss, One Step at a Time.” Image includes gpshope.org, offering support, faith-based encouragement, and hope to grieving parents and pareavors navigating the slow path toward healing.Grief doesn’t come with a roadmap. Sometimes all we can do is focus on the next small step.

Lisa Espinoza, author of First, Just Brush Your Teeth, lost her son, Chandler, after being hit by a car while riding his bike. He was 25 years old. Recently, Lisa and I talked about those first days, the heaviness that comes with each moment, and what it looks like to simply keep moving forward when nothing makes sense anymore.

As we all know, it is hard to get out of bed each day, so Lisa came up with a simple motivation: First, just brush your teeth. That’s where she began. Not with big goals or a full schedule. Just that one small act of showing up for the day. And if she could do that, maybe she could get dressed, and then maybe walk downstairs. 

When It Becomes Your Story

A bird flying freely across a soft sky gradient of blue to peach, with a distant tree branch in view—symbolizing movement, gentle progress, and new beginnings. Graphic text reads: “Don’t begin with big goals. Just do that one small act of showing up for the day.” Image includes gpshope.org, offering daily hope and encouragement to grieving parents and pareavors walking through the journey of child loss.We all seem to come to a moment when we are somewhat forced to realize, “I’m one of those people now.” The ones we all refer to when we say, I can’t imagine losing a child. It’s something we never expect to be part of our own lives, and when it is, nothing feels the same again. 

Life suddenly splits into “before” and “after.” 

I knew I could not live out the rest of my life with this intense suffocating darkness and pain, but I didn’t know how to climb out of this horrible pit I had been hurled into, causing me to cry out to God for help. 

Faith Without the Formulas

A faint light shining in deep darkness, symbolizing God’s quiet presence in the midst of grief. Graphic text reads: “When everything feels dark, the idea of a God who is with us is what we need most. Not answers. Not explanations. Just His presence.” Image includes gpshope.org, offering comfort and faith-based support to grieving parents and pareavors walking through the darkness of child loss.Child loss affects our faith. For a few, it almost immediately deepens. For most, it brings deep questions. But for all of us, it reshapes our relationship with Him in some way. Lisa’s foundation didn’t really shake, but her understanding of faith did change. The neat and tidy beliefs she had grown up with started to fall away, and what remained was simple: Emmanuel—God with us.

I remember having that same phrase hit me during a particularly difficult holiday season after Becca died. Christmas had always been her favorite season, full of decorations and music and giving gifts. The joy around me once again felt so out of place. Deep in my spirit, I felt an explosion in me saying: Emmanuel—God with us. I need You to be with me! 

I ended up pulling out our old advent wreath, lighting a candle, and writing something as a reminder of how He was with me, every evening leading up to Christmas (which was eventually turned into the book Hope for the Future: An Advent Book for Bereaved Parents).

Lisa and I agreed that, especially in those seasons when everything feels dark, the idea of a God who is with us is what we need most. Not answers. Not explanations. Just His presence.

And often, that “God with us” comes through people. A friend checking in. A comforting text. A small act of kindness. Listening to a podcast or reading a blog. These may not feel dramatic or miraculous, but they’re real. They’re reminders that we’re not walking this road alone.

Finding Light in Gratitude

A tiny beam of light breaking through dark clouds above a calm sea, symbolizing gratitude as a glimmer of hope in grief. Graphic text reads: “Naming even one small thing you are thankful for becomes a way to let in a pinpoint of light.” Image includes gpshope.org, offering gentle encouragement to grieving parents and pareavors navigating child loss with small steps toward healing and light.Before Chandler died, Lisa had started something she called her “God Moments Gratitude Journal.” While she couldn’t keep it up every day during the most intense parts of grief, it helped her shift her focus when she could. Naming even one small thing she was thankful for became a way to let in some light.

That is something I was encouraged to do as well. And like Lisa, I started small, each night writing down three to five things I was thankful for, like noticing someone’s smile, or the smell of freshly baked bread. It doesn’t change what happened, but it can soften the edges of the pain just enough to keep going.

I love how Lisa described gratitude as “pinpoints of light in the dark.” And that’s what it feels like. Not a floodlight that suddenly makes everything bright again—but small flickers of hope that show up as we recognize and name the good that is still around us.

The Bittersweet Blend of Life After Loss

Gradient sky with soft hues of orange, pink, and purple, representing the emotional mix of grief and beauty. Graphic text reads: “Life is rarely just bitter or just sweet. It’s almost always a mix. We can learn how to take some time to accept the pain of the bitter… but then lean into the sweet.” Image includes gpshope.org, offering gentle encouragement to grieving parents and pareavors navigating the bittersweet journey of child loss.Life is rarely just bitter or just sweet. It’s almost always a mix. We can be at a wedding, smiling and dancing, while feeling a deep ache inside for the child who isn’t there. That contrast can be hard to carry, but it’s real. We can learn how to take some time to accept the pain of the bitter… but then lean into the sweet. 

Choosing to smile or feel joy again isn’t dishonoring to our child. Lisa shared how it is really the opposite. To live with meaning, to laugh again and to let moments of joy return, is how she is continuing to honor her son’s life.

Being Open to Hope

Toward the end of our conversation, Lisa said something simple that I think is worth repeating. If you’re in the thick of grief, she encourages you to be open to the possibility of hope. Not to force yourself to feel hopeful. Not to pretend. Just to leave the door cracked open.

Some days, that openness might look like brushing your teeth. Or getting dressed. Or making a short phone call. And that’s enough.

The path ahead may be unclear, but it’s not unclear to the One who walks with us. You don’t have to take the whole journey today. Just take the next step. Whatever that looks like for you.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 304. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.


Award-winning grief support books by Laura Diehl, including “When Tragedy Strikes,” “Reflections of Hope,” and “Hope for the Future,” shown with Illumination Book Awards.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

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304: Getting Through the Grief of Child Loss, One Step at a Time (with Lisa Espinoza)

In this powerful and heartfelt episode, Laura welcomes Lisa Espinoza to share the deeply personal story of losing her 25-year-old son, Chandler, after he was struck by a car and spent 18 days in the ICU before passing away on January 1st. Lisa opens up about the unique challenges of grieving during the holiday season, the lessons she’s learned from past loss, and how she’s choosing to walk through her grief with authenticity and faith.

Lisa shares how her earlier experience of losing her mother at just 18 years old shaped the way she grieved Chandler’s death—and what she did differently this time. She speaks candidly about the importance of not skipping over the pain, but also not getting stuck in it.

Laura reads a touching excerpt from Lisa’s journal, now published in her book First Brush Your Teeth: Grief and Hope in Real Time, which reflects Lisa’s resolve to trust God even in the heartbreak. 

Lisa’s message is one of permission—permission to feel, to fall apart, and to rebuild in time, one small step at a time.

Author and speaker Lisa Espinoza is a trusted companion to others along their journeys of grief. In her book First, Brush Your Teeth: Grief and Hope in Real Time, Lisa shares with raw honesty the story of losing her youngest son Chandler, reminding us that hope and joy are possible, even after the greatest heartache and loss.

 

What They Talk About:

  • What “grieving the wrong way” looked like for Lisa after her mom’s death
  • How she is choosing a healthier, more present grief journey with Chandler
  • The role of faith and God’s presence—even in the blank spaces
  • Her God and Moments Gratitude Journal and why it matters now more than ever
  • How to hold both joy and sorrow at the same time
Links Mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Lisa and learn more at LisaEspinoza.com

Don’t forget to give the podcast a rating and review to help other pareavors find the same hope you have found.

 

Birthdays:

Charlie Rhodes was born on July 10 and left us at age 9.

Rachel Corn was born on July 10 and left us at age 22.

Eric Breslau was born on July 11 and left us at age 25.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

 

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Finding Freedom and Hope After Child Loss

"Banner with the words 'Finding Freedom and Hope After Child Loss' over a peaceful blue sky with clouds — offering encouragement for grieving parents seeking emotional healing.

When Freedom Feels Different

Inspirational quote about healing and bravery over an American flag background, contrasting the 1776 fight for independence with the quiet courage of personal grief recovery — by gpshope.org.

If you are reading this the day it comes out, it is the 4th of July; a time filled with fireworks, flags, cookouts, and celebration here in the United States. We call it Independence Day, celebrating our freedom as a nation.

But if you’re a grieving parent, freedom probably has a different meaning for you right now.

After the death of our child, we find ourselves bound in a way we never expected. Bound by sorrow… pain… guilt… feeling alone…so many questions, especially all the “why?” questions.

Sometimes it feels like we’re imprisoned in a life we no longer recognize — and don’t even want anymore.

When the world around us is having cookouts and celebrating freedom, it can feel so distant, painful and lonely. How can everyone else go on like this, when your heart is so very broken?

Fighting for a New Kind of Freedom

Inspirational quote on grieving: 'Freedom after loss doesn’t come quickly; it takes time' displayed over an image of an hourglass and antique clock — symbolizing the slow healing process after child loss. From gpshope.org.

If you have been around for very long, you know how often I talk about how important it is to allow God to help us change our perspective in this journey of child loss that we never wanted to be on.

This can be one of those areas. Let me offer you a thought about our grief and freedom.

Just as our country had to fight for its freedom (and it didn’t happen overnight) we, too, are in a process of fighting for a new kind of freedom. Not freedom from the love we have for our child, because that will never happen, but:

  • Freedom from the crushing weight of guilt, shame or regrets.
  • Freedom to remember our child without the stabbing pain.
  • Freedom from the lies that say we’ll never be okay again.
  • Freedom to find hope and light in the darkness.
  • Freedom to live… without the fear that moving forward means leaving our child behind.

You see, the fight for independence for us in 1776 was loud. Explosive. History-making.

But your fight for healing may be quiet. Inward. Hidden.

And still — it is brave.

It matters.

Your Version of Celebration

Inspirational quote over a peaceful sunset road with grass: 'You still have freedom — the freedom to grieve, to remember, and to walk this road at your own pace.' A comforting message from gpshope.org for grieving hearts.

Maybe this 4th of July, your version of “celebration” looks like getting out of bed.

Or saying your child’s name out loud as you hold him or her in your heart.

Or giving yourself permission to skip the fireworks and sit in silence instead.

Or maybe just the opposite – sitting and watching the fireworks in wonder and awe, maybe even surrounded by family and friends.

And I want you to know — it all counts.

Freedom after loss doesn’t come quickly. It takes time. And like the fireworks lighting up a dark sky, hope can begin to flicker again — sometimes small and faint, but still there.

Grief and freedom can coexist, because over time, freedom can look like breathing again without guilt. Smiling again without apology. Living again, not in spite of your child’s death, but because of his or her life that life still matters, and so does yours.

A Declaration of Hope

A single firecracker stick glowing against a warm sunset sky, symbolizing hope. Quote: 'Even the smallest flicker can give us hope to keep going, one day, one hour, one minute, one breath at a time.' Message of comfort and perseverance from gpshope.org.

July 4th is when we celebrate the day our nation’s founders signed the Declaration of Independence. It was a bold claim, taking a stand against something that seemed insurmountable.

For us as pareavors, it can feel just as bold to make your own declaration against something that feels next to impossible, such as…

I will not continue to hold on to the identity that my child died.

I will live in a way that continues to carry my child’s legacy.

I will trust God with my future, that somehow, He has a plan for me that is still good, with meaning and purpose.

My child’s life still matters, and so does mine.

What is a declaration you can make, right now? Something that is a stretch, and yet because you have seen others get to the other side of the suffocating darkness, you know it is possible, even if you may not think it is possible for you.

Pause for a moment to think about it. Ask God what He wants to help you with and make that declaration out loud. You may even want to write it down somewhere, to remind yourself of what you are determined to believe, to do, or to be, when you are further down the road on this unwanted journey.

If Independence Day is hard for you, no matter what country you live in, you’re not alone. And if your celebration here in the States looks nothing like red, white, and blue this year — that’s okay.

You still have freedom – the freedom to grieve… to remember… and to keep walking this road at your pace, in the way you need to.

Grief is not something you move on from, but something you learn to carry. And over time, you may begin to declare your own kind of independence — not from your child, but from the things that keep you from living again.

Jesus is the light you need. There are times in our life when we have the fireworks kind of light from Him. This is not one of those times. Even the smallest flicker can give us hope to keep going, one day, one hour, one minute, one breath at a time.

You may be thinking, I am not even seeing a flicker right now, but I believe that you are. I believe that reading this blog, is one of those flickers of light that can bring hope to make it through the next hour, the next day, the next week.

I pray and believe that you will discover more little flickers and sparks of light as we continue on this journey together.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 303. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Did you do anything special this 4th of July in honor of your child? Do you have a special memory of this holiday with your child? We would love to hear about it in the comments below.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.


Award-winning grief support books by Laura Diehl, including “When Tragedy Strikes,” “Reflections of Hope,” and “Hope for the Future,” shown with Illumination Book Awards.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

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303: A Different Kind of Freedom for Grieving Parents

As the United States celebrates Independence Day with fireworks and festivities, grieving parents often feel out of place — bound by pain instead of celebrating freedom. In this gentle and honest episode, Laura speaks to the heart of what “freedom” can look like after the loss of a child. It’s not about moving on… but about slowly learning how to live again.

Whether you’re skipping the celebrations, silently remembering your child, or simply trying to breathe today, this episode reminds you that your journey matters — and you are not alone.

What You’ll Hear:
  • Why holidays like the 4th of July can feel especially painful
  • A new perspective on freedom in the midst of grief
  • The quiet strength of your personal “declaration”
  • Permission to grieve differently than the world expects
  • Gentle hope that healing and freedom can still be possible
Links Mentioned in this episode:

Be sure to click here to find out more about the Reflections of Hope book – both for a full year and the individual months (especially July and August).

Don’t forget to give the podcast a rating and review to help other pareavors find the same hope you have found.

Find more support and resources at GPSHope.org

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

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