After the death of a child, joy can feel impossible. Many grieving parents describe their heart as broken, locked shut, and unable to fully beat again. The idea of joy or happiness can feel distant, unrealistic, or even offensive in the depth of such loss. And yet, deep within many of us is a quiet longing to believe that joy might still be possible, even if it looks somewhat different.  

Unlocking your heart to joy after child loss does not mean pretending the pain isn’t there. It does not mean returning to who you were before, or forcing yourself into a version of happiness that no longer fits. Instead, it is about allowing God to gently, patiently work within your broken heart, creating space for a different kind of joy to grow. A joy that is rooted in hope, strength, and His love for you.

Over time, I have discovered three grace-filled, biblical keys that can help unlock the heart and allow joy to slowly return after child loss. They are not quick fixes. They are not formulas. But they are real, life-giving practices that have helped me, and many other bereaved parents, experience joy as a steady undercurrent rather than a fleeting emotion.

When Joy Feels Locked Away

When our child dies, something inside us changes forever. Grief reshapes our inner world, and many of us assume that joy was buried along with our child. Even hearing the word “joy” can feel painful.

This is why unlocking your heart to joy after child loss often begins with permission; permission to believe that joy does not have to look the way it once did. Joy after loss is not about being filled with laughter or lightheartedness. It is about strength, anchoring, and the quiet assurance and thankfulness that God is still holding you.

Key One: Learning Thankfulness in the Midst of Pain

The first key to unlocking your heart to joy after child loss is thankfulness. Not a shallow gratitude that ignores pain, but a deliberate choice to notice what still remains.

Whatever we focus on will eventually consume us. When our thoughts remain fixed solely on loss, the pain can overwhelm every part of our being. But when we slowly and gently begin to notice moments of grace, the presence of God, or reminders of eternal hope, something begins to shift. 

There were seasons when I struggled deeply with what grief had done to my family. Watching my children wrestle with their own pain, making choices they never would have made before, and drift from one another felt like fresh wounds layered on top of my loss. In the middle of one such season, my middle son sent me a simple message reminding me that the ultimate hope is eternity with Jesus and each other, and that as far as he was concerned, I was being successful, knowing Becca was there waiting for us all. 

That reminder did not erase the pain, but it gave me something solid to stand on. Thankfulness does not deny grief. It simply keeps grief from having the final word.

Key Two: Letting God’s Word Restore Strength and Joy

Another vital part of unlocking your heart to joy after child loss is immersing yourself in the Word of God.

There was a time when I intentionally sought out Scripture passages about joy, writing them out and reading them daily. What I discovered was deeply freeing. Scripture reminds us that joy is not something we must manufacture. It does not depend on our emotional strength or spiritual performance.

It is no secret that the enemy works overtime to keep us from walking in joy. Why would he be so determined to steal my joy? Because “The joy of the Lord is your strength,” (Nehemiah 8:10).  This strength does not come from how joyful we feel toward God; it comes from His joy over us. His joy and love for me is my strength. 

When we understand that God rejoices over us, because of how much He loves us and how uniquely created and wonderful we are, even in our brokenness, it plants a seed of hope. And from that seed, joy begins to grow, not as surface happiness, but as spiritual strength.

Key Three: Extending Care Beyond Our Own Grief

The third key to unlocking your heart to joy after child loss is learning to extend care beyond your own pain. In other words, help someone else who has a need. 

This may feel counterintuitive, especially when grief leaves us feeling empty and exhausted. I know we may feel like we have nothing to give, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. But it is when we are weak, He is strong. 

Ministering to other bereaved parents, whether in person or from a distance, has often energized me emotionally and spiritually. It is not because the pain disappears, but because God meets us in the act of giving. When we allow Him to work through us, even in our weakness, joy is released in ways we could never create on our own.

It is God’s law of sowing and reaping. Giving is a spiritual act that bears spiritual fruit. It doesn’t have to be anything big. It can even be something as simple as giving a compliment to a stranger on their outfit. When we feel God flowing through us, to someone else, the fulfillment and joy it can bring is priceless. 

A Different Kind of Joy Takes Root

Unlocking your heart to joy after child loss may not feel the same as the same joy you once knew. That joy belongs to a different chapter of life. What grows in its place is something deeper and more enduring.

For me, joy now feels like a steady undercurrent. It is anchored, grounded, and strong. It is not always visible on the surface, but is woven into the fabric of who I am. Over time, I realized that the words that best describe this kind of joy are contentment, confidence, and hope.

Not sparkle. Not constant happiness. But a quiet knowing that God is with me, strengthening me, and carrying me forward.

A Gentle Invitation Forward

If your heart feels locked today, I want you to know that you are not broken beyond repair. Unlocking your heart to joy after child loss happens slowly, one small step at a time, as you allow God to work through thankfulness, His Word, and loving connection with others.

You are not meant to walk this journey alone. Even in grief, there is room for hope to grow, strength to return, and joy—real, anchored joy—to take root again.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 331. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Reflections of Hope: Daily Readings for Bereaved Parents — a hardback devotional offering comfort throughout the year. Click here to learn more.

Help us keep this podcast ad-free while receiving special encouragement and bonus content. Join the GPS Hope Community on Patreon

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

After the death of a child, many parents quietly wonder if finding joy after child loss is even possible. For some, the word joy feels distant or uncomfortable. For others, it feels almost offensive. It is something that belongs to a former life, before everything changed.

If that’s where you are, you are not wrong, weak, or lacking faith. You are grieving.

Joy is not an easy topic after child loss, and I hesitated for a long time before speaking about it. But this message kept resurfacing, and I have learned to pay attention when something gently but persistently shows up. My prayer is that this reflection plants a small seed of hope, and that, in time, it may help you reconsider what finding joy after child loss can truly mean.

Joy Is Not the Same as Happiness

One of the most important distinctions we can make on this journey is the difference between happiness and joy.

Happiness is tied to outward circumstances. It rises and falls based on what is happening around us. After child loss, those circumstances are devastatingly altered, and happiness often feels impossible, and that makes sense.

Joy, however, is different.

Joy is not a euphoric feeling or a constant smile. It is a deeper, steadier knowing that lives beneath the surface. It is rooted not in what we see or feel, but in the truth that God is still present, still loving, and still at work, even when our hearts are shattered.

In Scripture, joy is described as a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). That means joy is something that God produces within us, not something we manufacture through effort or positive thinking. This understanding reshaped my view of finding joy after child loss.

Grief in the Soul, Joy in the Spirit

Through this journey, I’ve come to see that grief and joy can coexist.

Grief and pain live in our soul. It is in our emotions, memories, and longing for what has been lost. Joy, on the other hand, is rooted in our spirit, where God dwells with us. These two realities do not cancel each other out.

You can feel deep sorrow and still have an undercurrent of joy.
You can feel heavy and broken and still be held by God’s peace.
You can be grieving and still be finding joy after child loss in ways that look very different than before.

Before my daughter died, I did not see as much difference between joy and happiness. They both looked like lightness, laughter and ease. Now I know that joy often looks quieter; more grounded, more resilient, and more deeply rooted in God’s presence.

A Different Kind of Joy Than Before

There is a clear “before” and “after” when you lose a child. Joy on this side of loss may not look the same as it once did, but that does not mean it is less real.

I once noticed this while traveling in Africa, where many believers carried visible hardship and heaviness, yet also lived with a deep, steady joy. At the time, I couldn’t fully understand it. After child loss, I could.

Finding joy after child loss does not mean pretending things are okay. It does not mean your child’s death becomes something good. It means that God meets you in the brokenness and does a quiet miracle within you; one that the world may never fully see.

The Miracle Within

We often think of miracles as something external: physical healing, provision, or dramatic change. But some of the greatest miracles God performs happen inside us.

Only God can mend a shattered heart.
Only God can bring light into deep internal darkness.
Only God can cultivate joy in soil that has been devastated by loss.

Too often, we wait for something around us to change before we believe healing is possible. Yet the work of finding joy after child loss often begins within, through God’s love gently restoring what has been broken.

Opening the Door, One Step at a Time

This journey is a process. There is no rushing it, no checklist to complete, no timeline to follow.

Sometimes the door of your heart may feel wide open. Other times, it may feel barely cracked, with just a sliver of light coming through. And sometimes it may feel tightly closed, overgrown, and locked.

Wherever you are, there is no shame.

Finding joy after child loss begins not with forcing the door open, but with allowing God to meet you exactly where you are and trusting that He is still at work, even when you cannot feel it.

A Gentle Word of Encouragement

If you are wondering whether joy will ever return, please know this: joy may look different now, but it is not gone forever. God’s presence within you has not dimmed, even if everything feels dark.

As you take one step at a time (forward, sideways, or even backward), may you slowly discover that finding joy after child loss is not about leaving your grief behind, but about allowing God to walk with you through it, bringing light in His time and in His way.

You are not alone on this road.

NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 330. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Reflections of Hope: Daily Readings for Bereaved Parents — a hardback devotional offering comfort throughout the year. Click here to learn more.

Help us keep this podcast ad-free while receiving special encouragement and bonus content. Join the GPS Hope Community on Patreon

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.