Hello, fellow pareavors. Looking Up in the Midst of Grief reminds us that even in our deepest pain, hope can still be found when we lift our eyes toward God.

Today, I want to share the story of a mom named Carol, who is just two years into this unwanted journey of life without her child. When I first connected with her, it was six months after her son, Jeff-Free, had died. 

Carol was only sixteen when she had him and gave him the unique name Jeff-Free. Most people simply called him Free. He was a brilliant young man with an IQ of 168, a college graduate with a degree in science, a Navy veteran, and an ordained minister. He loved to study and journal, which was something he had done since the age of eight. His journals are now a priceless treasure to Carol.

Free had plans to become a doctor, but before that, he was applying for teaching jobs and volunteering at a homeless shelter. Sadly, his life ended suddenly and tragically in July of 2023, after being prescribed the wrong dosage of medication while seeking help for terrifying visions and sleep deprivation. The devastating news that he had died by suicide was delivered to Carol at a police station late that night.

The weight of losing her only child is still incredibly raw for Carol, and yet, in the midst of her unimaginable pain, she is finding God’s comfort.

God’s Signs in the Darkness

On the night Carol learned Free was gone, she left the police station and drove by a church. The marquee outside read: “Everything’s going to be okay. –God.” Those were the very last words her son had spoken to her before leaving the house that evening.

In the nights that followed, when she couldn’t sleep, Carol found herself drawn outside around midnight. She would stand under the stars, praying and crying out to God, asking to see her son just once more. One night, as she prayed, a shooting star streaked across the sky. Night after night, more appeared. Later, she learned that a meteor shower always occurs at that exact time of year. But Carol believes God used it to give her the confirmation and comfort she desperately needed.

She told me, “Even though there’s an explanation, God knew before I did what I would need. He is in control of everything. That was my sign.”

Choosing to Look Up

Two years later, on the anniversary of her son’s death, Carol went outside again. This time, she didn’t see any shooting stars. Instead, she felt an overwhelming joy as she thought about where her son is now; in the presence of Jesus, the One he had loved since childhood.

She realized that while life here feels endless, it is only a blink compared to eternity. And one day, she will be with Free again. That truth brings her peace, even though she still cries every day.

Carol says the main thing she wants other grieving parents to know is this: Keep looking up in the midst of grief. This world is not our forever home. God calls us to lift our eyes to Him, even in our deepest pain.

God’s Comfort in Our Brokenness

Like so many of us, Carol wrestled with despair. She prayed, “God, I don’t want to be here anymore. Everything I thought mattered doesn’t matter now. The only reason I’m here is whatever You want me here for.”

At that moment, she felt a wind surround her, as if God Himself was washing away the anger and bitterness she had been holding onto. From then on, she fully surrendered to Him.

Today, Carol leads a women’s Bible study and shares openly about how God continues to meet her in her  her as she keeps looking up in the midst of grief. She says, “I still cry every day, but when I pray, God comforts me. I know He’s with me, and I know He loves me. He willingly gave His Son for us. He knows the pain of losing a child.”

A Perspective for Us All

It’s important to understand that God did not take Free away in order to get Carol closer to Him. God does not cause death. Satan does. But what God does is take even the most devastating situations and bring beauty out of the ashes.

We all face a choice. We can stay bitter, angry, and consumed by the darkness of our child’s death, or we can choose (even with tears still falling) keep looking up in the midst of grief and lean into God’s comfort. That does not mean we stop grieving. It means we allow God to walk with us in it and give us hope.

Closing Thoughts

I know some of you may not be at the place Carol is yet, and that’s okay. Her story is not meant for comparison—it’s meant to be a picture of hope. Carol has chosen to keep looking up, and in doing so, she has become a grieving parent sharing hope. You can be one too, in your own time and your own way.

So, my friend, keep looking up in the midst of grief. Bring your pain to God. Let Him hold you in your brokenness. And remember, this life is temporary, but eternity is forever.

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NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 311. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Stay Connected

As Carol reminded me, it helps so much to be connected with other pareavors. Talking about your child, asking questions, and walking alongside others who “get it” is powerful. If you’d like to find or start a GPS Hope support group, I encourage you to click here.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

After the death of our child, one of the first and most desperate questions we cry out to God is: Why? In “When ‘Why?’ Becomes the Wrong Question After Child Loss,” we begin to understand that healing often starts when we shift from demanding answers to trusting God’s presence in our pain.

Why did this happen to my child?
Why didn’t God stop it?
Why couldn’t I have done something differently, so they’d still be here?

If you’ve asked those questions, you are not alone. Every grieving parent knows the ache of wanting answers.

I’ve been there too. But when “why?” becomes the wrong question after child loss, we can begin to open our hearts to something deeper—something that can bring comfort, love, and even the possibility of hope.

But here’s something I’ve learned on my own grief journey: the “why” question may not be the one that will actually help us heal. In fact, there’s another question we can ask God; one that He delights in answering that can open our hearts to His comfort, love, and even the possibility of hope after losing a child.

Wrestling With “Why” in Grief

Years before Becca died, when fresh out of college, it took a while for my husband, Dave, to get a local job in his career field. The only offer he got was from a nonprofit that paid very little. We seemed to be barely scraping by, with my working as a supervisor at a fast-food restaurant. 

But that job came with incredible medical insurance, which is something we did not know that we would desperately need when Becca was diagnosed with cancer at only three years old. Nine months of chemo. Having her little leg amputated. Hospital stays. Over $500,000 in medical bills (this was back in the late 1980’s) but we only had to pay about $1,000 of it.

But God saw the bigger picture. He knew we would need those medical expenses covered and already had the provision in place.  

A Better Question to Ask God After Child Loss

If “why” doesn’t help us, but leaves us spinning in our intense pain, what should we ask instead?

For me, it became the question “how?”

• How are You going to get me through this?
• How are You going to help me want to live again?
• How could You possibly bring anything good from something so horrible?

And I’ve learned that God loves answering the “how” question.

It’s in the “how” that we experience His presence. It’s in the “how” that His love begins to seep into the cracks of our shattered heart.

God’s Power to Do the Impossible

Ephesians 3:20 tells us that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we can ask or imagine.

Before Becca died, I thought of that verse in terms of happy surprises from God. Now, I see it as a deep promise to those of us in grief.

When you can only imagine darkness for the rest of your life, God can imagine something else. He sees light, hope, purpose. Things you and I cannot see in the suffocating darkness of grief.

1 Corinthians 2:9 says, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him.” I no longer see this being about a life of constant blessings. It’s about a God who is preparing something good, even for those of us who are in the deepest pit of grief.

Letting Go of “Why”

If you’re still in that place where you can barely breathe, just trying to make it through the next hour, please hear this: the “why” may never be answered here. But the “how” will.

Ask Him, “God, how are You going to bring life into this death I feel inside?” And then hang on, like Jacob did, saying, “I’m not letting go until You bless me.”

Because He will. And when He does, it won’t erase the loss, but it will bring life to you again. You may not feel like you want it now, but when you do, He will be waiting to answer your question of “how.” 

 

When “Why?” Becomes the Wrong Question After Child Loss

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NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 310. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

If September is a rough month for you, and you need help taking the next step toward hope, GPS Hope offers Reflections of Hope: Daily Reading for Bereaved Parents – September Edition. It’s filled with daily encouragement and short readings designed to meet you right where you are. (There is a book for every month of the year for just those difficult months, or you can get the full year in one hardback book.) 

Click here to order your copy. www.gpshope.org/reflections

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

I recently sat down with two courageous mothers—Deborah and Marie—who both cared for medically fragile children from their birth, until their final breath. Our conversation was filled with tender memories, raw honesty, and the unique realities of parenting a child whose life is both beautiful and fragile, reflecting the journey of losing a disabled child.

A Celebration Worth Every Moment

Deborah shared the incredible story of her daughter Aria’s quinceañera—a 15th birthday celebration in Mexican culture that marks the transition from girlhood to womanhood. Planning began a year in advance, always with the understanding that Aria’s health could change quickly.

They constantly reminded her, “You don’t have to do this.” But Aria’s response was always clear: “Why wouldn’t I want to? This is for me.” She chose her own dress, touching and feeling the fabrics since she was legally blind, and relished every detail.

Despite getting sick the week before, Aria woke up on the day of her party feeling better than she had in weeks. 

Deborah and her husband invited only those who had been a genuine part of Aria’s life—people who had made the intentional choice to be present around a child with disabilities. It became a beautiful, love-filled celebration.

A year later, Aria was gone. But that day remained a treasured memory of one last, grand moment to show her just how loved she was, a poignant reminder of losing a disabled child.

Maxx’s Everyday Joy

Marie described her son Maxx as the “boss of the house,” always smiling and laughing. He could wave, say a few words, and even invented his own sign for “mama.” a reminder of the deep love and challenges of losing a disabled child.

He loved Mickey Mouse, and if anyone blocked the TV during his show, he’d let them know he wasn’t happy. Meals often included his favorite—tomato soup with crackers, mashed up so they could share together.

Life with Maxx meant constant hospital visits and doctor’s appointments, but Marie accepted it: “As long as he’s alive, this is his life. I’m going to take care of him.”

When the Caregiving Ends

I asked a question many caregivers are afraid to voice; when their child passes, do they feel any relief? And if so, do they feel guilty about it?

For Deborah, the relief wasn’t from the work of caregiving, but from knowing Aria was no longer suffering. In her last days, Deborah felt Aria may have been holding on for her and her husband. “We told her, ‘It’s okay. Mom and dad will be fine. If it’s time to go, go.’”

The harder guilt came later, when the ache of missing her made Deborah wish she could have her back, even if it meant she’d still be sick.

Marie’s experience was different—there was no relief. Caring for Maxx had been her normal for nine years. But she has wrestled deeply with anger at God for taking him, a feeling that has softened but never fully left.

Faith in the Aftermath

After Aria’s death, Deborah found herself in a spiritual fog. A lifelong Christian, she struggled to hear God’s voice the way she used to. “Everything is different now, even our relationship with the Lord.”

Marie admits her relationship with God has been strained. Early on, she told me plainly, “I hate God for taking my son.” Over time, she says that anger has moved to the back of her mind, but it hasn’t disappeared.

Words for Other Parents

Both women stressed one thing above all: take care of yourself.

Marie ignored her own health after Maxx’s death and ended up in the hospital with “brokenhearted syndrome” just a month later. Her advice: “You put your child first for so many years—put you first for once.” Counseling, she says, was essential.

Deborah echoed that sentiment. Neglecting her health during Aria’s life caught up to her quickly after her passing, leading to serious medical issues. She also reminded parents to acknowledge all the losses—your child, your identity, your purpose, and even the medical and educational communities you were part of.

A Shared Journey

As we wrapped up, I thanked Deborah and Marie for being willing to speak with such honesty about the joy, the anger, the grief, and the enduring love for their children.

Some parts of their stories were the same, others were very different—but that’s the truth of grief. No two journeys look alike. And yet, by sharing Aria and

Maxx with us, they remind every grieving parent that they are not alone in losing a disabled child.

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NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 309. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Don’t forget to take a look at our “Pareavor with Hope” shirts and hats, featuring a heart that’s been broken and put back together. It’s more than just apparel—it’s a sacred reminder: we are pareavors, and we carry our grief with hope. Visit gpshope.org/store to see the full line.

If you would like to join thousands of other bereaved parents receiving a weekly word of hope delivered to your inbox, let us know below.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.