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July 30, 2019 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Episode 15: I Am Afraid of Losing Another Child

Season Topic: Facing Our Fears After the Death of Our Child

 

Losing another child is one of podcast host, Laura Diehl’s, biggest fears that she has to fight.

It is also one of the most common fears bereaved parents have, because once we know it can happen to us, we know it can happen again.

Laura tackles this big issue with friend and bereaved parent of over 30 years, Lynn Breeden. Discussing how it is okay and even normal to have this fear, they talk about some of their personal experiences on this subject, how it has affected their other children, and share what they have done to help combat this fear as it continues to rear its head in their lives.

 

Lynn Breeden’s life was forever changed on October of 1987, when her son Joel Brian died of cancer at the age of five. After coming to terms with this loss, her greatest desire was to help other moms through their own loss, so they do not have to grieve alone. Lynn founded Mourning to Dancing, which is a non-denominational ministry, with the sole mission to offer comfort, hope, and encouragement to mothers who have suffered the loss of a child. She also currently serves as the Pastor for Bremen United Methodist Church in Bremen, Indiana. 

 

Birthdays

This week we don’t have any birthdays to share with our listeners.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here. (It is the song that plays in the background of the birthday segment.)

 

Links referred to in this podcast episode:

 

To receive a copy of the pages on fear from the My Grief Journey: A Coloring Book and Journal for Bereaved Parents, click here.

Click here to take a look at the book My Grief Journey (along with a link to order it in our store). You can also check out My Grief Journey for Kids.

To contact Pastor Lynn Breeden, click here.

Find Mourning to Dancing on Facebook.

 

And please remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE.

www.gpshope.org

I want to partner with GPS Hope financially to help give support to grieving parents.

You are safe here. No masks needed…

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgement in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

To have Laura come and speak or sing at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

July 23, 2019 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Episode 14: I Am Afraid to Enjoy Life Without My Child

Season Topic: Facing Our Fears After the Death of Our Child

This is the second episode with Laura’s guest, Pastor Lynn Breeden.

The first conference event Laura attended after Becca’s death, was the only one Lynn has ever hosted for grieving moms (even though Lynn’s son died over 30 years ago, and she has had her own ministry to grieving moms for many years). This was when Laura first realized what a relief it was to be able to take off her mask and both cry and laugh with others who got it, and she didn’t have to apologize or feel guilty for it.

Two of the reasons discussed by Laura and Lynn for being afraid to enjoy life again are

  1. We believe our sorrow is what connects us to our child.
  2. We are afraid we will forget them (which is impossible to do).

They also talk about

  • The guilt many parents have at laughing or feeling happy
  • How important it is to allow your perspective to change on this journey
  • Specific thoughts a grieving parent can start to change as time goes on
  • Connecting to other parents who have been where you are in the darkness and are now in the light and can infuse hope into your life
  • How the amputation of Laura’s daughter’s leg is a great example of how we can still learn to live a fulfilled life

It is important to get to the place where the connection with our child is not the pain of their death, but the warmth of the wonderful memories of his or her life. And Laura and Lynn are full of encouragement that it can be done, eventually.

Lynn Breeden’s life was forever changed on October of 1987, when her son Joel Brian died of cancer at the age of five. After coming to terms with this loss, her greatest desire was to help other moms through their own loss, so they do not have to grieve alone. Lynn founded Mourning to Dancing, which is a non-denominational ministry, with the sole mission to offer comfort, hope, and encouragement to mothers who have suffered the loss of a child. She also currently serves as the Pastor for Bremen United Methodist Church in Bremen, Indiana. 

 

Birthdays

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

This week we celebrate:

Joey Figueroa was born on July 23 and is forever 39

Claire Rebecca was born on  July 27, and is forever 5 

Dayne Sturm was born on July 29 and is forever 21

The special song I wrote for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here. (It is the song that plays in the background of the birthday segment.)

Links referred to in this podcast episode:

Click here for information on any current GPS Hope retreats.

Events: GPS Hope web page calendar or GPS Hope Facebook event page

To contact Pastor Lynn Breeden, click here.

Mourning to Dancing on Facebook.

Partner with GPS Hope  to support grieving parents around the nation

 

And please remember to Hold On Pain Eases.

There is HOPE.

 

www.gpshope.org

You are safe here. No masks needed…

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgement in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

To have Laura come and speak or sing at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

July 16, 2019 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Episode 13: I Am Afraid No One Will Remember My Child

Season Topic: Facing Our Fears After the Death of Our Child

Pastor Lynn Breeden joins Laura for the next six episodes, talking about different fears we may have after the death of our child.

This episode begins with Lynn sharing her son Joel with the listeners. He was only five when he died, and it has been over 30 years since he left this earth. Lynn then shares what she has done to keep his memory alive within herself and those around her, including her own family and people who never met him.

As they were talking, God showed Laura a new revelation of something about our children in heaven that got them both very excited!

There was also a conversation about our other children and how important it is to find a balance in helping them remember their sibling, but not giving them the message that the child who is gone is more important or more loved than the ones who are still with us.

As the discussion came to a close, Lynn encouraged us to find a way to honor God and to honor our child with what we do as time goes on, which led to suggesting a few things that we as bereaved parents can do, to make sure our child won’t be forgotten in a way that won’t be awkward for others.

“We learn how to live our life without our child in it, but we don’t live our life without them. They are still part of us for the rest of our lives,” Lynn Breeden.

Lynn Breeden’s life was forever changed on October of 1987, when her son Joel Brian died of cancer at the age of five. After coming to terms with this loss, her greatest desire was to help other moms through their own loss, so they do not have to grieve alone. Lynn founded Mourning to Dancing, which is a non-denominational ministry, with the sole mission to offer comfort, hope, and encouragement to mothers who have suffered the loss of a child. She also currently serves as the Pastor for Bremen United Methodist Church in Bremen, Indiana. 

 

Birthdays 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

This week we celebrate:

Ethan Barclay-Weberpal was born on July 10 and is forever 18.

Madeline Youngdahl was born on July 16 and is forever 14.

Robert William Corbett was born on July 20 and is forever 21.

The special song I wrote for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here. (It is the song that plays in the background of the birthday segment.)

Links referred to in this podcast episode:

To contact Pastor Lynn Breeden, click here.

Mourning to Dancing on Facebook.

Click here to see the GPS Hope Wall of Remembrance or to have you child added.

Sponsor an “In Loving Memory” heart on the Hope Mobile.

 

If you would like to be sent a PDF of Ten Ways to Honor Your Child, click here.

 

And please remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE.

 

 

www.gpshope.org

I want to partner with GPS Hope financially to help reach more grieving parents.

You are safe here. No masks needed…

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgement in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

To have Laura come and speak or sing at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

July 14, 2019 by Laura Diehl 6 Comments

How Do I Do It?

I am guessing that reading the following sentence will make you want to move on to something else, but I beg you to please read this all the way through because there are so many who desperately need you to understand them. July is National Bereaved Parents Month. There, I said it, now please stay with me to the end of this blog.

Up to this point, I have not even mentioned that fact, even though we have a national ministry to grieving parents. Why haven’t I? Because there are no words to describe what it means to be a bereaved parent.

I can’t put words to the agonizing and tormenting darkness of the pit we were hurled into. Or the gut-wrenching pain of having our child amputated from us with no anesthesia.

There is no way to share how this emptiness never ever leaves us, or how there is a permanent gaping wound that doesn’t even scar but is something we have to constantly nurse and give attention to.

We can’t explain in a way that makes sense why we can’t come  to family events, or “get back to normal.” There is no more normal for us, ever, while we are on this earth. We are now a “before” and “after” person.

Everything is now bittersweet, and quite often more bitter than sweet. We want to celebrate the graduations, the weddings and the precious new births and join the family holiday festivities. And we do, in our own way. But each life event is another slap-in-the-face reminder of who isn’t there and should have been. We can’t help but feel the aching emptiness. And being in a happy place surrounded by people who are celebrating, doesn’t necessarily make us feel better like some people tell us it will, but often just compounds the grief and brings it all back.

When you have a child go away, maybe to camp, or to stay with grandma for a couple of weeks, or go on a mission trip, or head off to college, or move across the country for a job, your heart aches. You won’t be able to be part of their lives on a day-to-day basis. We get it, we really do. It is a valid issue. But please know that it is hard for bereaved parents to hear those around us lament about their child being out of their presence for a while, because you still have access to them through the digital highway. And at some point, you will be with them again. We have none of that. Period. For the rest of our time here on earth.

We will never have a conversation with them to hear their voice. We will never hear them laugh. We will never see their face. We won’t know what they look like two years or ten years or twenty years from now. We will never buy a birthday or Christmas gift for them. We will never hear them say, ”I love you” or be able to give them a hug. EVER… all we have now are memories of who they were…

People tell us we are so strong and that they could never do what we are doing. Well, guess what? We had no choice in this event in our lives, and we aren’t strong! There are times we literally cannot breathe. We can’t even get out of bed. Sometimes a good day is making it to the shower or fixing a meal for our family. And when we have to pour all our energy into being at work for the day, when we get home we fall apart, every single day for a very long time. (I am talking for months and years.)

I have had people tell me someone that they know lost a child a few years ago, but they are doing fine now. It always makes me cringe, because I know they aren’t. You see, it becomes our job to make those around us comfortable with our grief. We have to put on our masks and convince those around us that we are okay, because if we don’t, either people don’t want to be around us, or they try to fix us and tell us we should be doing better by now. So we pretend, so they don’t have to grieve with us.

Did you know that most experts say five years and under is considered fresh grief for a parent who has lost a child (of any age)? And that the death of a child is considered traumatic grief? We are dealing with a literal trauma in our lives. And many of us are also dealing with PTSD, depending on the circumstances, such as seeing our child die or finding their body. Those are images that play in our minds over and over and over again. And as grieving parents, we can’t help but torment ourselves with the “what ifs.”

Yes, we can, and do, at some point figure out how to live with a part of our very being amputated from us. We learn to live our lives around the grief as we daily miss our child, seeing reminders of him or her everywhere we turn. But it takes a long time to figure out how to do that, and we will always be hit with grief triggers for the rest of our lives. If you are with us when that happens, please see it as a sacred place and moment, and know that it is an honor for us to let you in. Let us know it is okay to still miss our child deeply, and show grace, allowing us the time we need to lean into the memories and the grief.

As believers in Christ, we are good at rejoicing with those who rejoice, like Romans 12:15 tells us. But we aren’t very good at the second half of that verse, where we are told to weep with those who weep. (Some versions say to mourn with those who mourn or adds “sharing in their grief.”) And by the way, I notice that God doesn’t tell us to try and fix them if they are mourning for what we think might be too long of a time. He just tells us to join them in their place of sorrow.

If you aren’t sure what to do when you are with a bereaved parent, here is something that might help.

 

Another very special gift you can give to a bereaved parent is to let us talk about our child. Ask us questions about him or her. Let us show you pictures and tell you stories. One of our greatest fears is that people will forget our child lived and that his or her life mattered.

So, to answer the question, “How do I do it?” Even though I am almost eight years into this unwanted bereaved parent journey, sometimes it is still just hanging on one day, one minute, one breath at a time. And I am thankful that I don’t have to choose to either lean on God or to fall apart. I lean on God while I fall apart. I continue to find ways to honor the life and memory of my daughter, Becca. I connect with other parents who are ahead of me on this journey who can encourage me, and I connect with other parents who find themselves behind me on this journey.

I also look for friends who allow me to be who I am now, and not try to hang on to the person I used to be. Unfortunately, there aren’t many out there. Most of them are also bereaved parents who get it.

I don’t take it lightly that you have read this all the way through, and we bereaved parents thank you from the bottom of our shattered hearts. I hope and pray that by reading this, you have a better picture of what our lives are like and can now be one of those needed friends for those of us who are bereaved of our child.

 

 

To receive two free chapters from the book Come Grieve Through Our Eyes: How to Give Comfort and Support to Bereaved Parents, and to be added to our Friends of GPS Hope partners email list, just let us know below where to send them. (Your email address will be kept private.)

 

Laura Diehl is an award-winning author, national speaker and singer. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests.

If you would like to receive monthly updates on their travel adventures click here and submit your name and email at the bottom of the page.

Looking for a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference? Click here.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook and subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel for grieving parents.

Filed Under: Friends of GPS Hope Tagged With: bereaved parents, child loss grief, child loss support, Christian grief support, Christian support for grief, Come Grieve Through Our Eyes, GPS Hope, grief after child loss, grieving a child, how to help bereaved parents, Laura Diehl, loss of a child, National Bereaved Parents Month, support for grieving parents, traumatic grief, what to say to a grieving parent

July 9, 2019 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

Episode 12: Facing Our Fears after the Death of Our Child

This is the first episode in a series of seven, discussing our fears after the death of our child.

Fear brings torment, and as parents grieving the earthly loss of our child, it is easy to feel the full weight of that torment. But there is something much more powerful than our deepest fears; God’s love for us!

If we live in fear, it is because we doubt His perfect love, which is understandable because it is hard to reconcile in our minds how we can trust a God who says He loves us, and yet allowed this terrible thing to happen to our child and to us.

In this episode, Laura shares seven ways to help make a shift in how you see God in the midst of your fears, caused by the pain of the tragedy of the death of your child.

Pastor Lynn Breeden will be joining Laura for the following six episodes. Lynn lost her five-year-old son, Joel, to cancer over 30 years ago and has such a deep wealth of experience to draw on, along with so much compassion and love for those on this road behind her.

The specific fears Laura and Lynn will be discussing in the next few weeks are

  • Being afraid no one will remember your child
  • The fear and guilt of enjoying life without our child
  • Afraid of having another child die
  • The fear of grief triggers
  • Being afraid that we are losing our minds or going crazy
  • The tormenting fear of not knowing if my child is in heaven or not

We don’t have to live in fear, because God truly is with each one of us, and someday we will get to see the whole picture that we are very blinded to right now.

You can be set free from your fears.

Birthdays
  • Jessica Lynn Sxerlong was born on July 9 and is forever 30
  • Stephanie Waters was born on July 10 and is forever 21
  • Everardo Martinez was born on July 11 and is forever 19
  • Clifford Patrick Keenan Jr was born on July 11 and is forever 24

I would love to announce your child’s birthday. Click here to fill out the short form with the needed information. And be sure to let other bereaved parents know that their child can be celebrated with our listeners!

The full song I Remember Well (which is the background song during the birthday segment) can be heard here.

Links referred to in this episode:

To get in on the early bird price before August 1, or to find out more about the GPS Hope retreat, click here.

We are putting our itinerary together. If you live in Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, Arizona, Utah, Nevada (Las Vegas area), Utah, Colorado, Kansas, or Nebraska and want to see if we can get together with you, a small group, or set up a conference or retreat, email us at office@gpshope.org.

Give Hope to Others: If GPS Hope has brought you hope and light in your grief journey, please consider helping us reach more grieving parents who find themselves hurled onto this same unwanted path. Click here to support GPS Hope monthly or to give a special gift.

And please remember to Hold On Pain Eases, there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

You are safe here. No masks needed…

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose. This is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgement in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

To have Laura come and speak or sing at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

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