Anger is something many of us struggle with after child loss, and anger can easily lead to bitterness. Finding our way from bitterness to hope after child loss can feel impossible when we cannot reconcile the God we love with the pain we are living through. There is someone in the Bible who knew that struggle. Naomi lost her husband and both of her sons, and she was honest about how bitter her life had become.
The book of Ruth could almost be called the book of Naomi, because it begins and ends with her story. Naomi had moved with her husband and sons from Bethlehem to Moab because of a famine. That meant leaving her home, her friends and everything familiar. Then her husband died. Her sons married, but after ten years, both sons died as well. No grandchildren. No husband. No future as she could see it.
When Grief Leaves Us Bitter Toward God
When Naomi heard the famine had ended, she decided to return home. She urged her daughters-in-law to stay in Moab with their own families. Orpah reluctantly said goodbye, but Ruth clung to her. “Where you go, I will go. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God.”
When they arrived in Bethlehem, Naomi told the women, “Don’t call me Naomi. Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.” She was raw and honest, even blaming God for her pain.
I don’t think Naomi became bitter because she didn’t love God. I think she became bitter because she couldn’t reconcile the God she loved with the pain she was living through. Many of us have been there. We still believe in God, but we don’t understand Him anymore.
If you have discovered bitterness in your own heart, please don’t assume that means you have failed spiritually. Moving from bitterness to hope after child loss may begin with simply admitting what is there and asking God to loosen its grip. Naomi struggled with bitterness, and God wasn’t finished with her.
Someone Willing to Walk Beside Us
Ruth didn’t fix Naomi’s grief. She simply refused to leave her alone in it. She stayed, walked beside her, and worked so Naomi could eat. Ruth had lost her husband, too, yet she loved Naomi enough to leave everything familiar and go with her.
While gathering leftover grain in the fields, Ruth met Boaz, a relative of Naomi’s husband. He looked out for Ruth as she was looking out for Naomi. Through these ordinary acts of care, something began to change.
I believe Ruth’s kindness helped Naomi begin to believe that life might be worth living again. No one could replace her sons. But she had someone beside her while she learned to live with their absence. For a pareavor, that kind of faithful presence can be part of the journey from bitterness to hope after child loss.
That is why GPS Hope exists. We cannot remove your pain or bring your child back, but we can walk beside you until you begin to see little glimpses of hope again.
Hope Does Not Replace Our Child
Eventually, Ruth married Boaz and had a son, Obed, who became the grandfather of King David. Naomi’s story was woven into God’s unfolding plan, even though she could not have seen that when she returned to Bethlehem feeling empty.
After the death of our child, the word “fullness” can almost sound offensive. We don’t want a different life. We want our child. But fullness doesn’t mean replacing what we have lost. To me, it means allowing God, little by little, to breathe life into the parts of us that feel completely empty.
Moving from bitterness to hope after child loss is not one dramatic moment. For many of us, it is thousands of tiny moments where we keep turning our hearts back toward God. Maybe hope begins because we are willing to believe He may still be writing chapters we haven’t read yet.
You may feel more like Mara than Naomi today. God wasn’t intimidated by Naomi’s bitterness, and He didn’t abandon her because of her honesty. Maybe your prayer is simply, “Lord, don’t stop writing my story.”
We do not have to pretend our hearts are full when they feel empty. Naomi brought her bitterness home with her, and God met her there through the faithful love of someone who stayed. Wherever you find yourself today, you can bring that same honesty to Him. You can deeply miss your child, struggle with what God has allowed, and still leave room for Him to care for you. That may be all you can do right now, and it is a place to begin.
For more of this conversation about moving from bitterness to hope after child loss, listen to podcast episode 373. Click here of the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast. I share more about Naomi’s story, the family changes that can deepen our grief, and how God continues to meet us in the chapters we never wanted to live.
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
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