When God’s love feels distant after child loss, it can be difficult to understand how He could love us and still allow our child to die. We may have prayed for protection or healing, believing He would intervene, and now we are left trying to make sense of a life that we never wanted.
Last week’s podcast episode made me think again about a poem called “The Weaving.” It compares our lives to a tapestry, with God seeing the finished picture while we see only the tangled threads on the underside. There are parts of the poem that offer a meaningful picture, but there are also words that can be hard to hear when our child has died.
When the threads don’t make sense
The poem ends by saying God gives “the very best” to those who leave the choice to Him. I am going to be honest with you. When I first started sharing this poem at various places where I spoke, I left out those lines because I knew how painful they could sound to a grieving parent.
For many of us, especially in those early months and years, it can be almost impossible to hear that God gives us “the very best” when our child is no longer here. There are no words to describe this horrific pain, and we would much rather have our child back. I totally understand that longing. There are still occasional times when I have sobbed, wishing Becca was still here with me again.
I also don’t believe that His love and care are things we earn by “having enough faith” or accepting what has happened without a struggle.
There is a story about a little girl who visits a woman weaving a tapestry. Standing behind the loom, the girl sees tangled threads and dark knots. But when the woman invites her around to the other side, she can see a beautiful picture taking shape.
The illustration reminds us that our view is limited, but in real life we don’t usually get to walk around to the other side. We are still here, trying to understand what is in front of us while missing our child more than words can express. And if you are thinking, “I would still rather have my child than a beautiful tapestry,” I understand. I have had those same thoughts.
When God’s love feels distant after child loss
I recently heard a statement that made me stop and think: “In the absence of clarity, there is an invitation for intimacy with Him.”
Clarity is often the very thing we are asking for. We want to know why our child died, why our prayers were not answered the way we hoped or why God did not intervene. Those questions matter deeply, and some may remain with us for the rest of our lives. But even where He has not given us an explanation, I believe He is still inviting us to know Him.
When God’s love feels distant after child loss, that may begin with an honest conversation: “God, I thought I knew You, but I don’t understand You right now. I don’t know how to trust You after what happened.” I believe we can bring Him those words, because we are bringing Him what is actually in our hearts.
Naomi’s grief and God’s continued care
Naomi is one of the parents I write about in The Bible’s Grieving Parents. After losing her husband and both of her sons, she returned to her homeland and told people to call her Mara, which means bitter. She said she had gone away full and the Lord had brought her back empty.
We read Naomi’s story knowing what eventually happened, but she did not know the ending. She was a bereaved mother trying to live after the deaths of both of her children, 
and from where she stood, her life looked empty. Yet Ruth was beside her, loving her and refusing to leave her. Even while Naomi was expressing how abandoned she felt, there was care present that she could not yet fully recognize.
That brings me comfort, especially when God’s love feels distant after child loss. Naomi’s sons were still gone, and nothing that happened later replaced them. But their deaths were not the end of every good thing she would ever experience. Perhaps that is something we can gently hold onto, even if we cannot imagine yet what goodness could look like in our own lives.
Bringing God the tangled threads
When our child has died, it can be hard to imagine that life could ever hold anything good again. We may wonder how we could possibly want to live fully while someone we love so deeply is missing from our lives. But I have learned that missing Becca and finding moments of joy can exist in the same heart, even though I could not always see how that would be possible.
As a pareavor, you can bring God the tangled threads without having to figure out the pattern. You can tell Him what hurts, how much you miss your child, and where you are struggling to see His love. When God’s love feels distant after child loss, you can ask Him to meet you right where you are, even if you are not sure what that will look like.
We may never understand every thread in this life, but I believe we can come to know the One who holds us through it all. And little by little, even in the absence of clarity, we may begin to walk in more intimacy with Him, recognizing His love and care in places where we once could see only the tangled threads.
For more of this conversation, including hearing the poem “The Weaving”, (along with thoughts about the poem), Naomi’s story, and how differently grieving parents may express their pain, (based on the book Come Grieve Through Our Eyes) listen to podcast episode 372. Click here of the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, “When God’s Love Is Hard to See After Child Loss.”
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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.
In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.
For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.
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