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Four Things We Can Learn from the Mother of Jesus About Child Loss (Part 2)

This is the time of year we think about and celebrate the birth of Christ. But have you thought about the fact that we can relate to Mary through the eyes of a bereaved parent? I recently spent some time studying this out and discovered quite a bit about Mary that I had not realized or thought about, until I had a child who died.

The first two things are in the previous blog you can read here. In this article, we are going to look at the last two things.

Third observation

One of the biggest things to notice is that Mary completely surrendered to the Lord’s plans for her life, not knowing what that meant and how painful her future would be. In Luke 1:18 we find her telling the angel, Gabriel, “Behold the handmaiden of the Lord, (I am the Lord’s servant) be it unto me according to your word.”

As we already noted, I am sure Mary had no idea that her son would die a very brutal death at the age of 33, and she would be there to watch it.

I used to think, “At least Jesus rose from the dead and came back to life here on this earth. I don’t have that with Becca!” But as I was studying this out, I realized Mary still lost him permanently from this earth, because He was only here for 40 days and then He went to heaven.

The permanent earthly loss of her son here on earth was confirmed at the foot of the cross when Jesus looked down and gave his mom to the apostle John to take care of (John 19:26-27). This is also confirmation that his brothers still didn’t believe who Jesus was because the next son in line should have been the one to take care of the mother.

We may not be able to relate to Mary’s exact, unique grief, but she was a mom whose child died and left this earth for her remaining time here, which is something we can all relate to.

 

Fourth Observation

Mary watched her son die. Nothing could prevent this mother from standing by her son to the very end, no matter how brutal it was. I can’t help but think that some of you have had the same experience of being with your child until he or she took their last breath. You know what that is like to be with them.

I didn’t have that experience. My daughter, Becca, was in the hospital, with plans of being dismissed the next morning. The night of October 12, 2011 her heart was crashing, and she was fighting everyone, trying to get out of bed, yelling at them to leave her alone. Her husband told her to lie down and let them do what they needed to do and was kicked out of the hospital room. She died surrounded by a bunch of medical staff trying to save her.

I wish I had been with her, sort of… I think it has to be one of those bittersweet things. Those of us who weren’t with our child don’t have that as another image we have to get out of our heads. On the other hand, we have to fight the guilt that we weren’t there with them, feeling like he or she died alone.

Did Mary have thoughts of “If only I had…” or “I should have….”?

Did she think about the last time Jesus gave her a hug? The last time they had a meal together? The last time she heard Him laugh? The last time she was able to say, “I love you?” I can’t help but think that she did, because that is what the rest of us do.

The last mention of Mary is in the upper room with the other believers (Acts 1:14). Jesus had risen from the grave, but He had also left this earth permanently. What was that like? There must have been some intense grieving, knowing she had just gotten Him back and now He was gone, never to be here on earth with her again.

Knowing that Mary stayed with the group and was in the upper room when the Holy Spirit showed up in a big way, is an example to us that life can be worth living again. Mary knew she would see her son again. She figured out how to keep living, even within the grief.

Our children are alive also! They may not have come back for a few days after they died and then risen up in the clouds in their bodies, but he or she is alive and with Jesus! Thank you, Father that part of Your will for our lives is to reunite us with our children, never to be separated again.

I want to wrap this up by looking at a scripture that talks about Jesus’ mother in Luke 11:27-28. As Jesus was saying these things, a woman in the crowd called out, “Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.” Jesus replied, “Even more blessed are those who hear God’s voice and make God’s message their way of life”. (VOICE)

If we take this scripture to heart, what is God’s voice to us as bereaved parents? I believe it is that we have that exact same hope as Mary. We will see our children again, and we can fight our way out of the grief. I want to encourage you not to choose to remain stuck in the event of your child’s death, but learn how to live in a way that honors the life of your child, just like Mary did.

And just like the Holy Spirit showed up in that upper room for those who were waiting for Him, I believe the Holy Spirit will show up for you. He will comfort you, and not only comfort you, but give you the strength to live out your life here with meaning and purpose, until it is time to join your child, and Mary and Jesus in heaven.

Until then, you might be interested in listening to the podcast series People in the Bible Who Lost a Child. Just click on each individual episode below to read the description and listen to it directly on the GPS Hope website. (You can also find each one on your favorite podcast app. Just look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast.)

49: The First Death in the Bible was a Son Who Was Murdered (Adam and Eve)
50: The Rainbow Baby in the Bible (King David lost an infant son before Solomon was born)
51: Three Things we Can Learn from Jesus’ Mother After the Death of Our Child
53: Trying to Find God in the Midst of Our Deepest Pain (A look at Job)
54: Why Did God Allow Me to Suffer Like This? (Job’s suffering after the death of all ten of his children)
55: From Fullness to Bitterness to Fullness Again (Naomi)
56: Reunited with Our Children (Jacob and Jairus)
57: Our Grief is the Same, Yet Different (two groups in the Bible who had children mass murdered)

 

Note: On each podcast, I announce the name, birthday and forever age of our children who are no longer here with us, the week of his or her birthday. If you would like to share your child with our listeners, just click here to fill out and submit the form with the needed information.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

 

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

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Four Things We Can Learn from the Mother of Jesus About Child Loss

This is the time of year we think about and celebrate the birth of Christ. But have you thought about the fact that we can relate to Mary through the eyes of a bereaved parent? I recently spent some time studying this out and discovered quite a bit about Mary that I had not realized or thought about, until I had a child who died.

First Observation

Mary did not have an easy life, and it was all because God gave her Jesus as her son! It started as soon as she conceived Jesus through the Holy Spirit.

  • Mary found herself as a young pregnant woman with no husband, which left her at the mercy of being stoned to death.
  • When she was “heavy with child” (fully pregnant), she was forced by law to travel from Nazareth to Bethlehem which was around an 80-90-mile journey of hills. (And transportation at that time sure wasn’t what it is today!)
  • The city was so crowded, there weren’t any hotel rooms available. Someone out of kindness offered his barn out back. This is where she gave birth to her very first child. I think I may have been close to being terrified if it were me. (Was Joseph able to find a midwife quick enough in a town he knew nothing about so at least one person knew what to do?)
  • If this is where Joseph had to go for the census, it means all of his family had to go there also. Where were they in all of this? Where did they stay? Why didn’t his family make sure he and Mary were taken care of? Could it be that they were ostracized because of her becoming pregnant out of wedlock, and instead of Joseph having her stoned, he married her anyway, to raise this illegitimate child as his own?
  • It seems that the first visitors were smelly shepherds… not her mom, a sibling, or someone we think as the normal first visitors, especially when it is the first child.
  • It seems her husband, Joseph, died at some point before Jesus’s ministry, since he is not included in any scriptures beyond when Jesus was 12. (The next time we see Jesus with his family, it was with his mother and brothers at a wedding.)
  • Based on Matthew 13:55 and Mark 6:3, Jesus had at least 6 siblings. Imagine being a widow with 7 children!
  • And beyond that, John 7:1-10 tells us that His brothers were not believers in who He At one point, they even went to go drag Jesus away from where He was because they thought He had literally lost His mind (Mark 3:20-21).That must have been SO hard for Mary, because that means her own children didn’t believe her story about the angel coming to her and being a virgin when Jesus was conceived in her by the Holy Spirit.

Thirty-three years after He was born, with such a hard life because of her first-born son, Mary is standing at an execution stake, watching that son being torturously executed for a crime he didn’t commit. (We need to remind ourselves here that she had no idea that Jesus was going to rise from the dead three days later. When He tried to tell his followers this, no one got it.)

Have you had a hard life? Maybe, like Mary, much of it was because of your child who died. The thing that resonates with me is that God gave Jesus to Mary, knowing the heartache she would have, both with His life and with His death.

We each have an appointed time to die; our days on earth are numbered. God knew those days when he placed your child in your womb, but He chose you to nurture that child and be his or her parent for those number of days. He also knew any sorrow and heartache your child would give you while he or she was alive.

Would you rather He chose someone else, and left you never knowing that precious son or daughter? I don’t think Mary would have thought that, and I don’t think you do, either.

You just might want to take a minute to thank God for giving you the gift of your child’s life, even though it meant going through the pain you have had to endure.

Second Observation

Twice in the Bible, we are told Mary pondered something in her heart about Jesus; she thought deeply about it, treasured it and wondered about it. The first (Luke 2:19), was when the shepherds came to worship her Son who had just been born in a smelly barn, was wrapped in strips of cloth and was using an animal feeding trough as His crib.

The second time (Luke 2:52) was when Jesus was twelve and was accidently left in Jerusalem and they didn’t realize it until they were already a day’s journey toward home.  That meant it took another day to get back to Jerusalem and it took them three days to find Him! I can’t even imagine the sheer panic she must have felt, not knowing for five days where her son was! (Unfortunately, some of you reading this may be able to relate to this.)

There is something really important between those two events we need to look at. When Joseph and Mary went to the temple to have Jesus dedicated to the Lord according to Jewish law with the first-born son, a prophet named Simeon told Mary a sword would pierce her heart. It doesn’t say Mary pondered that, but I am sure she must have!

It took over thirty years, but when her Son died, Mary felt the pain Simeon told her she would have – the piercing sword of grief that we all know too well.

After His death, do you think Mary spent time pulling up the memories of Jesus that we were told she pondered and treasured in her heart?

Memories are all that we now have of our children. We may not have some of the crazy memories that Mary did, but we have ones that are just as precious. At first, those memories can be so very painful! But I want to encourage you that it won’t always be that way. It takes a while, but at some point, those memories will warm your heart and make you smile. Thinking about your child won’t be as painful as it is now. Allow that to be a hope that rises up in you.

We will look at the other two things in the next blog.

Until then, you might be interested in listening to the podcast series People in the Bible Who Lost a Child. Just click on each individual episode below to read the description and listen to it directly on the GPS Hope website. (You can also find each one on your favorite podcast app. Just look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast.)

49: The First Death in the Bible was a Son Who Was Murdered (Adam and Eve)
50: The Rainbow Baby in the Bible (King David lost an infant son before Solomon was born)
51: Three Things we Can Learn from Jesus’ Mother After the Death of Our Child
53: Trying to Find God in the Midst of Our Deepest Pain (A look at Job)
54: Why Did God Allow Me to Suffer Like This? (Job’s suffering after the death of all ten of his children)
55: From Fullness to Bitterness to Fullness Again (Naomi)
56: Reunited with Our Children (Jacob and Jairus)
57: Our Grief is the Same, Yet Different (two groups in the Bible who had children mass murdered)

 

Note: On each podcast, I announce the name, birthday and forever age of our children who are no longer here with us, the week of his or her birthday. If you would like to share your child with our listeners, just click here to fill out and submit the form with the needed information.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

 

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

 

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What I Learned in Hindsight that Might Help You

~ by BJ Jensen

Hindsight is a good teacher.  If I had to relive those first special dates over again since Jay died in 1995 (I pray I will not ever have to), I would approach them differently, utilizing some of the following bits of wisdom gleaned over time:

I would not expect everyone to remember Jay’s birth date or death date like I do.

I see now how I set myself up for feeling more disappointment or failure.  Those dates cannot possible mean as much to other people as they do to his own mother.  It is not fair on my part to expect that.

I would voice my thoughts or concerns that jay’s birthday or “birth into heaven” date was coming up and that I was feeling fragile or sad or lonely.

It has not been fair of me to want people to “read my mind” and guess why I’m blue.  Personally, I don’t know any mind readers, and don’t think I will ever know any.  It would have been more appropriate for me to tell those I wanted to share my heart with.  I would have saved me more grief when they didn’t remember.

I would have planned special things for those special days instead of thinking that I should sit at home by myself and cry.

A walk on Jay’s favorite beach at sunset with a friend, or a picnic at Jay’s favorite park with some of his friends would have helped me remember some of the good times instead of focusing on the bad.

I would have done something nice for someone who was feeling lonely or sad or didn’t have a friend – a trip out to lunch or to a movie.

I would have focused more on the good memories instead of the hurtful ones. 

When I focused on what I didn’t have, it produced unhappiness and discontent.  When I focused on what I did have, it produced gratitude.

I would have realized it was okay for me to cry and it was okay to desire to have Jay back, even though it held me captive in selfishness. 

It was okay – but only for a time.  I then had to make a truly hard decision to focus on helping others less fortunate.  The more time I spent focused inwardly on myself and the loss of our son, the more I seemed to spiral downward into the pit of self-pity and despair.  I had already spent too much time there and hated the darkness.  I now know I would have helped myself recover sooner and with less stress if I had spent more time focused outwardly.

I would have joined a support group sooner.

I would not have isolated myself from the very ones who wanted to help me.  My family of origin had taught me to segregate myself from others when I was sad.  However, I now believe we are made for community and for helping each other through the tough times.

We try to honor our son’s life by doing the best we can with the rest of our lives. We sometimes ask ourselves the question, “Would our choices and decisions in our lives today make Jay proud of us?”

We treasure memories of Jay and allow ourselves to reminisce, get nostalgic, and be thankful for the time we had with him, even though it wasn’t long enough. Whatever time we had with our departed child would never have been long enough.

Surviving special dates the first few years after the death of your child may seem like an impossible task. In some ways it’s like climbing a steep mountain or navigating on a churning ocean. But it can be done. So many others have had to climb that mountain or traverse those treacherous waters and are stronger for having made it to the far shore. We want to encourage you and give you hope that it can be done. That small tender shoot of hope will grow when nurtured and fertilized.

 

This was taken by permission from the book Finding Hope After the Devastating Loss of Beloved Children by Dr. Doug and BJ Jensen. Click here to find it on Amazon. (This is an affiliate link. GPS Hope will get a small percentage of your purchase by using it.)

 

Doug and BJ Jensen, are International Speakers, award-winning Dramatists, Signing Artists, Song Writers, Drama Writers, and Authors of 16 books. Dr. Jensen earned his PhD in Biblical Studies in the area of Biblical Counseling.  BJ is the Director of the world traveling LOVE IN MOTION Signing Choir and is a writer of 8 stories found in seven of the CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL books. You can contact them at Jensen2@san.rr.com or on their Facebook page: Bj Jensen San Diego.

We would like to send you a PDF of Thirty Ways to Bring Ourselves Comfort and Take Care of Ourselves. Please let us know below where to send it. (You will also join over 1000 other parents who receive a Weekly Word of Hope.)

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

 

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Child Loss, PTSD and God

My mom sent me a text Sunday that she was thinking of me and praying for me. We had been at their house the day before. She said, “Hope everything is all right. I see the sadness in your eyes.”

We were at a friend’s house and I had to go to the bathroom and sob for a moment.

I never really noticed what she was talking about until I looked back the day before at some pictures I took after doing my “fall look.” It was an eye opener for me, and I thought, “Wow! The eyes really are the gateway to the soul.”

PTSD is real. Trauma is real. Loss is real.

My daughter Zoey’s 1st birthday is coming up and I have NOT been okay.

Grief is such an important subject. For a lot of people, it is a lifelong journey. I think it may even be safe to say that it is a lifetime process.

For some reason, I noticed that when someone either loses a baby during pregnancy (like we lost Sheldon) or has a baby in the NICU (like when our little Zoey was born), not much is said. Maybe I noticed because they both happened to me, and I was more vocal.

I also noticed that when I was more vocal, others became more vocal. This opened a safe space for conversation and relatability to take place, which is a beautiful thing for anyone who has experienced loss or disappointment of any kind.

The Battle of Our Thoughts

During those times, I battled with a few of these thoughts:

“I don’t want the attention.”

“This is embarrassing that I’m upset; others have been through worse.”

“I don’t want to cause others pain.”

“I shouldn’t feel this way.”

The list goes on.

Zoey’s first birthday is Monday, and I have been feeling similar feelings like the day we found out Sheldon was no longer with us.

On that day, these feelings started even before the ultrasound appointment though, so we didn’t know that our baby was with Jesus at that point.

We had a gender reveal party planned the same day as the ultrasound. I know it’s horrible, but I didn’t buy ANY decorations. I didn’t buy ANY food for the party. I didn’t even clean my house. This is very unlike me. It was as if I knew he was already gone and there was nothing to celebrate.

Those feelings of not wanting to do anything for the gender reveal party are the same feelings I’m having for Zoey’s first birthday. Why? Why would I feel this way? She is alive and well! She is worth being celebrated! So why do I feel this way??

It wasn’t until I began to tell these things to my husband and best friend that I recognized the PTSD and trauma that I had faced almost a year ago. Let me be crystal clear. I am so thankful. I cry all the time because of how thankful I am. So, hear my heart.

We Need to Feel Our Pain and Grief

The redemption and miracles do not replace the feelings of loss, PTSD and trauma. These feelings are very real and when they come, we cannot give in to shame, call our feelings stupid, say we need to just be grateful for XYZ, or to just “get over it.” We need to feel them and process them with Jesus and with our safe people.

You see, Jesus knew I needed to read the story of Lazarus hours before we found out Sheldon was with Him, because He knew the impact that story would have in my life even now. That was a massive miracle in and of itself.

August 7th, 2018, the day of our ultrasound, where nothing was cleaned, decorated or prepped for a gender reveal party, the Lord nudged me to crawl into His lap in our chair and open the Word. He said, “Come be with Me.” And as I did, I flipped through the Word and read about His connection with His disciples. I ended on the story of Lazarus, and I fell asleep. And the Lord is reminding me today that Jesus knew His friend Lazarus was going to be raised from the dead, yet He still wept. He felt the grief and sadness of those around Him and He, too, was sad.

So, He felt, and He cried. He is always the perfect example.

God knows what we need before we know.

He prepares our hearts and reveals His perfect ways through whispers like, “I have a plan. Trust Me.” He reveals His goodness through onesies that say, “tiny miracle.” He redeemed SO MUCH from August 9th, 2018 when I had to give birth to a baby who would never take a breath on this earth.

On September 14, 2019, the nurse who had been with us through every step of Sheldon’s delivery was the same nurse who was in the room during Zoey’s emergency c-section.   My doctor was not on call. She was not even in the hospital, and I so desperately wanted to text her. I had her number from after losing Sheldon, but I knew that would be a breach of something, so I decided that the Lord knew. He knew which doctor was going to be here, and I trusted Him.

As they were about to do the surgery, I had tears of relief as I heard my doctor’s voice! She came in just for me. Was that a coincidence? I don’t believe in them. I believe Jesus cares about what we care about. He is delighted when we put our trust in Him. He also is delighted when we trust Him with our feelings…good or bad.

We Need to Process Our Pain and Grief

The redemption and miracles were not meant to cover the feelings of loss, disappointment, PTSD and trauma. They are meant to carry us through them. Process your feelings with Jesus. Process them with your spouse, and/or a safe friend. This is vital to your spiritual growth. No more feeling bad for feeling! Jesus felt it all for us. Your feelings matter.

When we process and feel these hard, sometimes scary things, there is beauty and new perspective that Jesus brings.

I wanted to exclusively breastfeed and I wanted to deliver our miracle girl naturally. These were 2 BIG DESIRES that I laid at His feet. I remember driving and speaking these things out loud to Him.  I remember saying, “Lord you know what is best for me. You know what is best for her. So, I lay these wants at your feet. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

I didn’t get to deliver her naturally. It wasn’t peaceful. It was chaotic. It was traumatic. It was anything but what I had pictured for our redemption testimony. I think we can get so caught up in how we want things to look, that when things don’t look that way, we begin to doubt His promises. Even when there are miracles wrapped around it all, we can lose sight.

I didn’t get to exclusively breastfeed. I’d been pumping from day one. I surrendered those things to Him. Little did I know that those precious desires were my burnt offering to Him, and it hurts! It is so painful to not have things happen the way we want them to.

If we aren’t real with these feelings for the fear of not seeming grateful or being selfish, etc., it may hinder us from experiencing His true joy over us. So, feel my friends. I release you from any expectation you may have of yourself or that others may have of you.

Your Feelings and Your Pain Matter to God

Your feelings matter to the Creator of heaven and earth. And when your feelings haven’t caught up to the truth yet, trust Him. I believe one day they will. Because the truth is, God is good. And He is not only good, He is good to me.

Say that with me. “God you are good to me.” Say it. Sing it. Write it on your mirror. Your feelings will eventually line up with the truth!

I have a memory of breastfeeding Zoey when we first brought her home and she took in three ounces. That was the first and last time she took in that much from exclusively me, and I will treasure and be thankful for that memory forever.

This is my prayer, that I hope at some point you can pray for yourself as well.

Jesus, let the feelings of disappointment, pain and sadness be processed through, so I can experience your goodness, faithfulness and joy. Create in me a heart of thankfulness. And when my feelings don’t line up with what is true, I will trust you enough to process them through until all that’s left is thankfulness, because You are good!

It doesn’t mean I won’t grieve for Sheldon the rest of my time here on earth, but it does mean I don’t have to stay trapped in the trauma of his loss. I will see him again, and for that, I am especially grateful!

Erica Mitchell is a daughter of the King. She loves being a wife of 9 years to Justin and the mother to 3 sons: Shylo 8, Shay 6, Sheldon (growing up in heaven) and rainbow baby girl Zoey. She believes worship is a lifestyle and loves to create with lyrics, music, and makeup. She has a calling and anointing in her words and voice to encourage and bring freedom to others in their personal relationship with Jesus. Her faith and heavenly perspective are contagious and overflows into all areas of her life.

 

If you are struggling, we would like to send you a printable PDF of 30 Ways to Give Yourself Comfort and Take Care of Yourself. This will also allow you to join over 1,000 other bereaved parents who are receiving a Weekly Word of Hope (which you can unsubscribe from any time).

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

 

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

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When the Bible Seems to Contradict Life

In 1985 my world was turned upside down when our three-year-old daughter, Becca, was diagnosed with osteogenic sarcoma – bone cancer. Her tiny little left leg was amputated, and she went through nine months of chemotherapy.

God spared her life at that time. However, we found out several years later that an unknown long-term effect of one of the chemo drugs used was heart damage.

She was married at the young age of nineteen and became pregnant within the first few months. Because pregnancy causes such a stress on the heart, it escalated her moderate heart damage to the point of only being given a 50/50 chance of surviving the labor and delivery, whether it was by cesarean or vaginally.

God spared both her life and the life of our precious little granddaughter, and we were very thankful. But from that point on, her weakened heart was a major issue in her life.

For the next nine years she dealt with heart issues. They became so severe she needed to be placed on the heart transplant list but wasn’t healthy enough. On Becca’s 28th birthday, she had major heart surgery, putting in a pump to run the left side of her heart. For the next eighteen months, she had several major life-and-death issues, which caused a dozen ambulance rides and three med flight helicopter trips to her hospital, forty miles away.

On October 12, 2011, our daughter’s heart finally gave out, and she crossed over to meet Jesus face-to-face and to receive her full and complete healing. (Details of Becca’s story can be read by clicking here.)

Why am I sharing all of this? Because as someone who has lost a child through death, and as someone who grew up believing the Bible is God’s Word, the two can be hard to reconcile.

Before my daughter Becca died, there are so many verses that I could agree with, and cheer for as the truth in my life.  But now, there are many verses that I have to dig into for a deeper meaning, because what I thought some of those scriptures meant, no longer made sense in my deep pain and confusion.

For instance, Ephesians 3:20 tells us that God is “able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works in us.” I used to love that verse, because I could imagine a lot of good things, believing God would do even more than those great and wonderful things I could imagine! And that included awesome things for my kids. Yahoo!

But when the Holy Spirit showed me how to see that verse in a totally different way after Becca died, it became very precious to me. When we are in that place of suffocating darkness after the death of our child, we can’t ever imagine coming out of the darkness. We can’t imagine we can learn how to live a life of meaning and purpose without our child here. We can’t imagine living out the rest of our lives in so much pain, just living in a shell wanting and waiting to die to go be with our child.

But God can! God not only imagines all of that, He can do way above and beyond what we thought was possible in our lives. So often we can only imagine darkness for the rest of our time here on earth. But He can do so much more than what we can imagine. He can bring light. He can bring hope. He can give us a life of meaning and purpose again, not in spite of our child’s death, but because of his or her life!

Here’s another one.

1 Corinthians 2:9 says, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him” (GW). This was a verse that used to be so exciting to me! God has more for me than I could ever imagine! Wow! How awesome is that? Lay it on me, God!

Let me just say, the darkness and pain of my daughter’s death was definitely more than I could have imagined, and it is not awesome, it is horrible!

But wait…let me share with you what I have discovered. This verse isn’t talking about the great life we are going to have with awesomeness and wonderful things being poured out on us continually. It is talking about the mystery of the death of Jesus, and how God was going to use it so that our “faith would not be based on human wisdom but on God’s power” at work in us (verse 5).  Now that is a real wow; much deeper than the shallow “bless me with all kinds of good stuff, and I will follow You” kind of belief in God.

Verse 12 says, “We didn’t receive the spirit that belongs to the world. Instead, we received the Spirit who comes from God so that we could know the things which God has freely given us.” So what has God freely given us?

How about for a start:

  • Comfort
  • Peace in the storms (or tsunamis) of life beyond our own understanding
  • Hope
  • Joy that goes beyond our circumstances
  • Triumph and victory over tragedy
  • Resurrection power and life from death

I now see these verses in 1 Corinthians and Ephesians as more of a promise for those of us who have been thrown into a place of deep darkness. It is God’s promise that He is going to bring us out in a way that we can’t see or hear right now, and we can’t even imagine how, in our place of darkness. This new understanding makes a whole lot more sense to me than using this scripture as a u-rah-rah-Go-God type of verse to be excited about Him being some sort of Santa Clause bringing us all kinds of fun presents.

How about you? Are you in a place of deep struggle, wondering how God could possibly tell us He has so many good things for us? Is He lying to us? Was that just something to make us think He is good, to deceive us into believing in Jesus as our Savior? Let me answer that with a resounding no! God is good. Not only is He good, but He is perfect in all of His ways, or He would no longer be God. If I could turn Him into a magic genie to make my wishes come true, He would no longer be big enough to be God.

It comes down to a matter of trust. Do I trust that He can see what I cannot see? Do I trust that He can hear what I cannot hear? Do I believe that He knows the full picture, and that what I am going through fits into the plan of eternity, way beyond what my finite mind can comprehend of life here and now on earth?

I choose to believe the richness of the full depth of 1 Corinthians 2:9. My eyes cannot see, my ears cannot hear, and my mind cannot imagine what God is going to do with my darkness, but God can and will do so much more in my life, as He starts to bring glimmers of light into my darkness.

I have chosen to believe not only that He can, but that He will bring life from death itself. After all, that is His specialty! Will you join me?

 

Are you looking for help with your grief from a Christian perspective? We would like to send you chapter nine, A Spiritual Fireside Chat, from Laura’s book When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life With Hope and Healing after the Death of Your Child. (This will also allow you to join over 1,000 other parents who are receiving a Weekly Word of Hope, which you can unsubscribe from at any time.)

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

 

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

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