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May 1, 2022 by Laura Diehl 1 Comment

I Choose (by Carol Krawiec)

 

The following was written on April 28, 2014, two years to the day after losing our oldest son Daniel.  It was the week after Easter. Our pastor had preached a message about what it was like for the disciples to live in the “Saturday” of that resurrection weekend.  He compared the pain and confusion of that day following the death of Jesus to the world we live in today. He spoke of the joy of the resurrection on “Sunday’ and the secure hope that we as believers in Jesus Christ can cling to in the midst of trials.

That morning was a turning point for me in my journey of grief.  I had walked through the first year numb and in a fog.  The second year was so painful because as the fog began to subside, I felt the intense loss.  Over the past ten years my grief has come in waves.  As the waves recede, I am filled with a sense of God’s presence and a peace in knowing that Dan was at rest, and all is well with my soul.

In May of 2019 and June of 2021, we also lost Timothy and Benjamin, the two youngest of our five sons. It has taken many years of leaning into my grief to move along in my journey. It is far from over as I find myself in that place of raw grief once again. There are times when the enormity of my loss overwhelms me. I don’t pretend to understand it all, but I trust God and I know He will continue to faithfully carry me.

 

I CHOOSE
Life was forever changed two years ago, early on a Saturday morning.
As I sit on the floor of this room that was once occupied by our son
I choose not to allow the memory of the horrific discovery be my only thought.
I choose to picture this room as the place of a Holy visitation.
I choose to picture bright light breaking through the darkness of a raging battle.
I choose to visualize the broken chains that bound him to addiction lying on the floor.
I choose to be proud of the countless battles that our son won throughout his journey.
I choose to believe that although the enemy won the battle that day, God was victorious.
I choose to let the cleansing tears of a broken heart flow because I know that Jesus wept.
I choose to lift my hands in worship to my God and thank Him for the gift of 32 years.
I choose to believe that although this world is far from good, my God is Good.
I choose peace over anxiety; acceptance rather than anger; hope over despair.
I choose to believe that the pain I feel today is a reminder that this is not my Home.
I choose to rest secure in knowing that my child is forever with the Lord.
Because:
“No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.”
I choose to believe that even though I am living in the pain of “Saturday,”
“Sunday” is coming and it will all make sense when I see Him Face-to-face.

 

Carol’s three sons

 

Many of us feel guilty after the death of our child, thinking we should have done more, or made a different decision, or been there for them in a different way than we were, etc. Click here to read Help! I Feel so Guilty… written by a mom whose daughter died by suicide.

If you struggle with guilt, we would like to send you Ten Tips to Overcome Guilt. Just click here and fill in your name and email address and hit submit.

We promise we will not spam you. However, you will be added to our growing family of thousands of bereaved parents who receive a Weekly Word of Hope email each Wednesday morning. (Just use the unsubscribe button at the bottom of each email if you no longer wish to receive it.)

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
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Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: child loss and healing, choosing hope after child loss, finding peace after child death, GPS Hope grief support, GPS Hope resources for grieving parents, grief and hope journey, grief support for bereaved parents, memorializing lost children, overcoming guilt after child death, trusting God through grief

March 25, 2018 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Four Ways to Help Bring Peace While in the Deep Pain of Grieving the Loss of Your Child

The pain of losing our child seems to always be with us. Even if I’m not emotionally feeling the pain at the moment, it is still there. It’s almost like a physical chronic pain. There are times you are so used to having the pain that you don’t even realize you’re feeling it.

During the first few years after our daughter Becca’s death, God gave me many reminders to rest in Him and His ways that didn’t make any sense. It was a hard thing to do, because I could not see any light in my darkness or understand why God was allowing so much intense pain.

He would share His reminders to just “be” and to rest in Him in so many different ways. He would remind me to take a breath and breathe in His love and peace.

He never sugarcoated anything but would acknowledge how difficult and steep my climb was, telling me to cling tightly to His hand, reminding me to look at Him whenever my circumstances overwhelmed me.

Here are four things that helped me be able to rest in God’s love for me, even in the midst of my intense suffocating darkness, that I would like to pass on to you.

1. Anytime you feel like you are sinking under the swirling waters, call out “Lord, save me!” just like Peter did in Matthew 14. Whenever I did that, somehow Jesus always reached through the storm and pulled me up out of the drowning sea of emotions, into His secure arms, where I would feel like He was holding me. He knew how weak and helpless I was, and He never tired of meeting me in my place of need.

2. Do whatever you need to do to be aware of His presence, which might include playing some worship music, or just sitting in silence in a place of nature where there is beauty and peace. Not only would He “hold” me, but He would encourage me to relax in the awareness of His presence. Some of my most precious times with the Lord were in my greatest times of weakness, just letting everything go and melting into His peace, love, and compassion.

3. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you some positive things that have happened because of the deep brokenness (no matter how small those things may be). When I was only eight months into this journey, I asked God to do this for me, and I came up with a list of eighteen things I saw Him working in me through the darkness, such as learning to become nonjudgmental (I didn’t have time or energy – that kind of thing just wasn’t important to me anymore), seeing the love and grace of God in a deep way, becoming free of what man thinks of me, enjoying being in His presence (just resting and letting Him love on me), learning it’s okay to be broken and to be a Christian and a leader, and so on.

4. Be determined to live from a place of surrender. This means we must learn to live from the spiritual part of our being—Christ in me and I in Him—and not out of our emotions or flesh. I always thought I did pretty good at that, but I have found a new level of living in it by tapping much more deeply into who God is in me. Here is something I wrote in my journal, eighteen months after Becca died.

4/21/13: This morning I just had to get to my prayer room, and there’s been such a sweetness of just wanting to be here with Him. I finally put my finger on it: it is the contentment of surrender! I almost feel guilty for not being agitated or in some sort of emotional pain, but there is such a peace and contentment—very unnatural, and yet it should be natural, and I pray it has become a natural part of my life!

I will readily admit though, that the pain is still pretty intense at times, and I can feel like I am going backwards as I lose that peace and the place of rest I am fighting to keep.

For instance, at one point, Becca’s husband dropped off four plastic tubs on our front porch that he no longer wanted. They all contained things of Becca’s that were special and important to her, along with some of her medical equipment and other not so good memory items.

It was really hard to go through those bins. But the thing that left me in a crying mess for the next few days was when I discovered her wedding dress smashed in the bottom of the last bin. It felt so cruel, so careless. My daughter’s life has been reduced to four plastic bins, I thought.

But instead of allowing myself to go in that direction, I told myself the truth. Her life was much bigger than these four bins. However, it was another door of finality I had to painfully work through, and once again make a conscious decision to rest in who God is, within the painful circumstance.

I have now learned that peace and pain can both reside in us at the same time. Whether I am consciously feeling the pain or not, an underlying peace seems to travel side-by-side with my pain. It is definitely the peace of God that goes beyond any understanding, and I am so thankful that He offers it to us and gives it freely.

I wish God would just speak a command and make it all better, instantly removing the pain and replacing it with constant peace and rest, but it doesn’t happen that way. Learning how to live in that place is a process for each one of us.

Learning to rest in God is a must if you want to get out of your place of darkness. And that means spending time alone with Him. You don’t even have to talk to Him, just “be” with Him, in your pain, your anger, or your darkness. And don’t feel guilty about taking as much time as you need to be intimate with the One who loves you like crazy and wants to get you out of the suffocating pit and onto the path of living again. Spend intimate time with Him. Lots of it.

Let Him show you the way out by resting in the fullness of Himself.

This article was taken from Laura Diehl’s book When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life With Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child. Laura will be doing a live six-week deeper dive study into this book with anyone who wants to join her. Click the link below for more information or to register.

 

Yes! I am interested in doing a study with author Laura Diehl on her book When Tragedy Strikes.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event, click here.

GPS Hope exists to bring hope to parents who have suffered the death of a child, acknowledging their unique grief with support, connection and education for them and those around them.

 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: child loss and healing, Christian grief support, emotional healing and God’s love, finding God in the darkness, finding peace in grief, grief and God’s peace, grieving and finding peace in Christ, healing after losing a child, learning to rest in God, peace in grief, resting in God’s presence, surrendering to God, the presence of God in grief, trusting God in pain, walking through grief with God

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