I didn’t know that kind of darkness even existed until my daughter, Becca, died. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I wasn’t suicidal, but I would beg God to take me. The pain was so intense that I couldn’t imagine surviving another hour, much less five, ten, or twenty years without her. I would have panic attacks just thinking about the future.

If you are there right now, I understand that place.

And yet, what God has been deeply working in me, through Scripture, through science and through years of walking with bereaved parents is this: finding hope by renewing your mind after child loss is not only possible, it is biblical. It is transformational. And it may be one of the most important steps toward stepping out of suffocating darkness.

The Verse That Feels Impossible

Romans 12:2 says:

Do not let yourselves be conformed to the standards of this world. Instead, keep letting yourselves be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you will know what God wants and will agree that what he wants is good, satisfying, and able to succeed. (CJB)

After the death of a child, that verse can feel impossible. Agree that what God wants is good? Satisfying? Able to succeed? 

It clashes with our shattered hearts.

Our thoughts turn dark. Life feels meaningless. We tell ourselves, “I will never get past this. I will never have a life worth living again.” And when we repeat those thoughts over and over, something begins to happen. They don’t just stay as thoughts, it begins to feel like it is so very true.

But they are not truth.

Your Thoughts Are Wiring Your Future

Neuroscience has discovered something fascinating: neurons that fire together wire together. When we think the same thoughts repeatedly, those thoughts begin forming pathways in our brains. What we rehearse becomes what we believe. What we believe shapes our identity.

That means if we continually tell ourselves, “I can’t live without my child. I will never be okay. I will always be stuck here,” our minds begin to build a path that reinforces that belief.

But God tells us we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

Science is only now confirming what Scripture has said all along: we can change the way we think. We can create new pathways. We can choose different thoughts, even when our feelings scream the opposite.

Finding hope by renewing your mind after child loss begins with something as small as this: “I don’t see how I can ever be okay… but maybe, somehow, I can.”

It doesn’t have to be either/or. It can be both.

I can be in deep pain and still believe that there might be a way out.
I can be angry at God and still trust Him.
I can feel darkness and still allow a glimmer of light.

It Is Not the Pain That Connects You to Your Child

One of the enemy’s greatest lies is this: if you leave the darkness, you are leaving your child.

That is not the truth!

It is not your pain that keeps you attached to your child. It is your love.

Let that sink in.

You are not dishonoring your child by stepping toward healing. You are not forgetting them if you begin to laugh again. It is your love, not your suffering, that binds you to them. Love will always remain your connection to your child.

When we begin finding hope by renewing our minds after child loss, we are not walking away from our child. We are allowing God to show us how to carry their memory in a way that brings meaning instead of paralysis.

The Power of Gratitude in the Darkness

I know how this sounds. When your child is gone, gratitude feels offensive.

“There is nothing to be thankful for.”

And yet, studies consistently show that gratitude shifts the way our minds function. When we intentionally find something—anything—to be thankful for, it changes how we process our reality.

It may feel small.

A roof over your head.
A friend you can stay with.
A chair you can sit in and cry.
A notebook you can pour your heart into.
A car that can take you to a quiet place in nature.

These small acts of thankfulness begin gently loosening the grip of despair. They help create new pathways of thought. They open space for finding hope by renewing your mind after child loss, even if it is just a crack of light at first.

God does not usually blind us with sudden brightness. More often, He gives a pinpoint of light that our eyes can slowly adjust to.

Jesus Knows This Darkness

When Jesus hung on the cross and cried, “My God, why have you forsaken me?” He stepped into a darkness so deep it felt like abandonment.

God had not left Him. The darkness was just that heavy.

Jesus understands what it feels like to be unable to see or sense the Father in the middle of agony. And He burst through that darkness with resurrection power.

The enemy is not equal to God. He is not God’s opposite. He is a fallen angel. He is on the same playing field as Michael the arch angel. God’s power is infinitely greater. 

Even when we do not understand the “why” of our child’s death, we can begin asking God for the “how.”

How will You bring meaning?
How will You carry me?
How will You transform this unbearable pain?

Finding hope by renewing your mind after child loss does not mean we suddenly understand everything. It means we begin allowing God to shape our thinking toward eternity, not just toward today’s anguish.

From Ashes to Oaks of Righteousness

Isaiah 61 speaks of beauty for ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, a garment of praise instead of despair. It speaks of becoming oaks of righteousness, being firmly planted for the display of His splendor.

That feels impossible when the ground of your heart is scorched. But even in scorched soil, a seed can sprout.

The Holy Spirit lives in you. You do not have to reach somewhere far away for God’s help. He is already within you, watering that dormant seed of hope. He is gently helping you shift your thoughts, one at a time.

Finding hope by renewing your mind after child loss is not a one-time decision. It is daily. Sometimes hourly. Sometimes minute by minute.

It is whispering, “Help me, Lord,” when dark images flood your mind.
It is choosing to picture your child whole and joyful in His presence.
It is reminding yourself, “Maybe I can live again. Maybe there is still purpose for me.”

But there are plenty of times that we also fail to shift those thoughts. There is no judgment. God is loving, kind and patient. 

You Are Not Stuck Forever

I have known hundreds of bereaved parents who once believed that they would never have a meaningful life again. And today, they do.

They still miss their child. So do I. There are still days when the ache resurfaces with intensity.

But it is no longer suffocating darkness every day.

Life can become good again. Different, yes. Forever changed, yes. But still meaningful. Still purposeful. Still worth staying for. You may not see it right now. Your feelings may scream that it is impossible. But feelings are not always truth.

Give yourself permission to believe, even just a little, that if others have experienced transformation, perhaps you can too. That is where it begins.

You are not alone in this darkness. And it is not the final chapter of your story.

And as you continue finding hope by renewing your mind after child loss, you may one day look back and realize that the tiny glimmer of light you once resisted has grown into something steady and strong. You just might even find yourself being a grieving parent sharing hope.

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NOTE: NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 337. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

The paperback and Companion Journal are now available for orders on the GPS Hope webstore, along with the free gift of My Grief Journey when ordered in February. Click here to order. (They are both also available on Amazon.)

Click here to support the podcast, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content.

Click here to receive a Weekly Word of Hope from Laura.

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

Losing a child is the kind of pain that doesn’t fit into words. It’s not just sadness. It’s a deep, soul-level grief that changes everything. If you are reading this today, you may be walking through the darkest season of your life, and the idea of hope after losing a child may feel impossible. But I want to gently remind you that hope is not a feeling, it is a lifeline. And even when your heart feels shattered, God can still meet you there.

In a conversation with author and bereaved parent, Linda Dillow, we talked about how hope, love, and loss intersect in the life of a grieving parent. Her story is heartbreaking: she lost her daughter, Joy, to cancer during the COVID years, while also watching another daughter fight cancer at the same time on opposite coasts. And yet, through that pain, she discovered something many of us need to hear: hope can exist even when the circumstances don’t change.

If you’ve lost a child, you may be asking, “How do I get through this?” The truth is that hope after losing a child is not a magic fix. It is a journey. But it is a journey you do not have to take alone.

Hope Is Not Wishful Thinking

Linda has discovered eight “heart skills” we need, to help hurting hearts cling to God and not give up, which she put into a book titled Hope for My Hurting Heart.

One of the first things Linda emphasized is that biblical hope is different from the hope that the world offers. The world’s hope is based on circumstances of things changing such as healing happening and life returning to normal. It is just a “wish” for things to be different. But God’s hope is based on His character.

Biblical hope is a confident expectation that God is good, even when life is not. 

True hope is rooted in the nature of God; the One who sees the big picture, the One who holds eternity in His hands. It’s saying, “God is still God, and He is still loving me,” even in the midst of the suffocating darkness of grief.

Linda described how she began to feel herself slipping into despair after her daughter died. She felt like she was sliding under the surface, drowning in grief. And in that moment, God gave her a simple but powerful instruction: write a declaration of hope.

She wrote three statements, based on Scripture:

• God, don’t waste my pain.
• Use my pain to build perseverance, character, and hope in me.
• Abba, comfort me so I can comfort others.

This is the heart of hope after losing a child. It is not a denial of pain, but a surrender of it to God.

Hope Comes Through Love

The second heart skill Linda talked about is love – specifically, receiving God’s love.

So often, grieving parents feel like they must earn God’s love by being “strong enough” or “faithful enough.” But God doesn’t want us to start with doing. He wants us to start with receiving.

Linda describes a young woman who couldn’t feel God’s love in her heart. She knew intellectually that God loved her, but it hadn’t reached her soul. When Linda asked her to imagine God thinking about her, the woman began to cry because she realized that she had never truly received that love.

This is such an important point for grieving parents: your worth is not based on your performance, your strength, or your faith. Your worth is based on the fact that you are God’s beloved child.

In grief, it’s easy to become a “doer.” We try to fix things, trying to find answers, trying to stay busy so the pain doesn’t catch up. But God is calling you into a place of receiving. He wants to wrap you in His love like a warm blanket.

Linda loved the idea that I use a physical blanket (with hearts on it) as a symbol of God’s love and comfort. A blanket is something you can wrap around yourself when your heart feels cold and empty, as a way to wrap yourself up in God’s love. And if you’re wondering whether that sounds too simple, remember: God often meets us in the small, tangible moments when our hearts feel too heavy for words.

Loss Is a Heart Skill

This might sound strange, but loss is a skill. It is a heart skill that must be learned.

Linda challenged us to ask two questions:

• Do I accept my loss?
• How does God use loss to change me?

Grief is not something we can rush through. In many cultures, there are rituals that honor the grieving process and give it time. But in American culture, we often try to “move on” too quickly. We want to celebrate life and then pretend that everything is okay.

But grief doesn’t disappear just because we celebrated their life, or because we stop talking about it.

When we deny our pain, it doesn’t vanish. It simply goes underground. Eventually, it will resurface in a way that hurts even more. That’s why accepting loss is not a weakness. It is an act of courage.

Accepting loss means acknowledging the reality of what happened and allowing yourself to feel the pain, even when you think you can’t take it. It means letting God meet you in your brokenness.

And when you allow God into the broken places, He can begin to transform your pain into something meaningful. Not because the pain is good, but because God is good.

Hope After Losing a Child Is Still Possible

You may be reading this and thinking, “But my pain is too deep. My grief is too heavy. I don’t see how hope is possible.”

And I want to be honest with you: hope does not mean the pain goes away. Hope does not mean you stop missing your child. Hope does not mean you stop grieving.

Hope means God is still with you. Hope means He can carry you even when you feel like you can’t take another step.

Linda shared that when her daughter, Joy, died, God showed her a picture of Joy in heaven. It didn’t erase the pain, but it gave her a vision of the future, a glimpse of the eternal love that waits for her when she joins her daughter.

If you are grieving, I want to encourage you to hold on to the truth that your child is safe in God’s hands. And while that truth doesn’t remove your pain, it gives you a foundation to stand on.

Practical Steps to Build Hope

If you’re wondering how to begin, here are a few simple, gentle steps you can take:

Write a Declaration of Hope

Even if you don’t feel it yet, write a statement like Linda did. Here are examples you can use:

• “God, don’t waste my pain.”
• “Use this to build perseverance and hope.”
• “Comfort me so I can comfort others.”
  

Receive God’s Love

Stop trying to earn God’s love. Let it enter your heart. Ask God to show you how much He loves you, not just in your head, but in your soul.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Give yourself permission to mourn. There is no timeline for grief. You don’t need to “be strong” for anyone.

Hold on to the Promise of Heaven

God is not finished with your story. Your child is with Him, and you will be reunited one day.

Final Thoughts

“Pain redeemed is better than pain removed.” That is a hard truth, but it is also a beautiful one.

When God enters our pain, He doesn’t erase it. He transforms it. He uses it to draw us closer to Him and to deepen our faith. And He uses it to help us comfort others who are hurting.

If you’ve lost a child, your grief is real, and your pain is valid. But you don’t have to live in darkness forever. Hope after losing a child is possible, not because the world gets better, but because God is faithful.

Wrap yourself in His love today. Let Him hold you. And take one small step toward hope, even if it’s just whispering, “God, I need You.”

You are not alone. We need each other, and we all need Him, to help us get through this journey. Let’s do this together. 

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NOTE: This post was taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, episode 335. I encourage you to listen to the full conversation by clicking here, or by finding Grieving Parents Sharing Hope on your favorite podcast app. In this episode, Linda shares the first three Heart Skills from her book Hope for My Hurting Heart: 8 Heart Skills to Help Hurting Hearts Cling to God and Not Give Up. If you would like to go deeper, you can find the book here. As an affiliate, GPS Hope receives a small percentage at no additional cost to you, which helps us continue offering hope and encouragement to grieving parents.

Click here to order Linda’s book Hope for My Hurting Heart.  (Note: This is an affiliate link, which means a small portion of your purchase price will go to GPS Hope.)

Click here to support the podcast, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content.

Coming soon: The Bible’s Grieving Parents paperback and Companion Journal.

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

One of the questions I hear most often from grieving parents isn’t theological, and it isn’t meant for debate.

It comes from the deepest place of loss:

Where is God after child loss?
Where was He when my child died, and where is He now, because I can’t feel Him anywhere?

Over the years, I have received countless emails and messages from parents asking this very question. These are parents who loved God, served Him, trusted His promises, and built their lives around their faith.

And now… they feel nothing.

To begin, I want you to hear a few real words, not to shock you, but so you know you are not alone.

One grieving parent wrote, “I loved God. Our hope was in Him. We were worship leaders. We taught our kids the Word. We prayed and held onto Scripture, believing God would protect our family. We believed that if we raised our child in the way he should go, he would return to it. That if we planted seeds, we would reap the fruit.

None of that happened. Instead, my child is dead. God could have prevented that. And now I am devastated and tormented, because my hope is gone.”

Another father shared how at one point he was starting the act of ending his own life. “How do I live without my boy? My son was the all-American kid. A great athlete. Loved Jesus. I prayed and prayed, and I’ve received nothing. Zip. I feel despair every day. I’m dead inside.”

These are not the words of people who don’t believe in God. These are the words of people who believed deeply but feel shattered now.

 

When Faith Feels Broken After the Death of a Child

If this resonates with you, I want you to hear this clearly:

There is nothing wrong with you.

Feeling disconnected from God after the death of your child does not mean your faith has failed. It means your heart has been deeply wounded. And wounds change how we experience everything, including God.

We can know in our heads that God is with us.
We can believe that He lives in us.
We can hear that He has not abandoned us.

But knowing something intellectually is very different from experiencing it emotionally when grief has knocked the wind out of us and it takes all our strength just to breathe.

This is why the question of where is God after child loss feels so raw and personal.

God’s Silence and the Agreements We Make in Grief

In Revelation 3:20, Jesus says, “I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.”

That verse isn’t written to unbelievers. It is written to people who already know Him but are wounded, guarded, and disconnected.

Sometimes the issue isn’t that God has left. Sometimes grief has caused us to make agreements in our hearts; agreements that quietly block intimacy with Him.

Agreements like:

• He betrayed me.
• He abandoned me.
• I did everything right, and He didn’t keep His end of the deal.
• I trusted Him, and look what happened.
• I can’t trust Him again.

If any of these stir resistance or pain, that isn’t something to shame yourself for. It is an invitation. An invitation to ask the Holy Spirit to gently show you how grief may have shaped what you believe about God now.

Letting God Reveal Truth—Even When It’s Uncomfortable

You don’t have to fix anything. You don’t have to force yourself to feel faith. You can simply pray:

“Holy Spirit, show me where I may be holding agreements in my heart toward You that aren’t bringing life.”

And when one surfaces, name it. Then, as best you can, release it.

Throughout Scripture, people often failed to recognize Jesus even when He was right there with them. Mary mistook Him for a gardener. The disciples walked with Him on the road to Emmaus and didn’t know who He was. The disciples panicked on the water, thinking he was a ghost. 

He was present. They just couldn’t see Him yet.

After child loss, the truth that God was with your child, and that He is still with you, can feel almost unbearable. Sometimes we are more comforted by the darkness we know than by the light that asks us to trust again.

Truth will move us. And if we don’t want to be moved, it becomes easier to push the light away.

Are You Listening to the Wrong Voices?

Here is a hard but important question. Are you listening to voices that reinforce your pain rather than lead you toward truth? The enemy is skilled at taking our raw emotions and turning them into lies that feel convincing:

God betrayed you.
God isn’t good.
God doesn’t love you.

When God reaches toward us through a sermon, a song, or even someone who has walked this same road, we may reject it because it challenges what we have come to believe in our pain.

Believing those lies damages our relationship with God and keeps us trapped in darkness.

I don’t believe that is what you truly want. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here, searching for where is God after child loss and longing to find Him, when He feels silent after the death of your child.

Turning Inward to the God Who Lives Within You

One practice I learned that can help is called benevolent detachment:

“God, I give everything and everyone back to You.”

If your heart reacts with, I did that before, and look what happened, that response itself points to an agreement that needs healing.

When grief is loud, the world and unanswered questions constantly demand our attention. But instead of trying to find God “out there,” we must remember something profound. There is a difference between visitation and habitation.

God does not simply visit us. He lives within us. So rather than trying to fix or understand everything, try turning to the One who lives inside you.

That is why I suggest you also say a prayer of benevolent detachment: Jesus, within me, I give everyone and everything to You.  

You may feel nothing at first.
You may cry.
You may feel anger.

All of that is okay. Remembering and connecting to God who lives in you is what is important at this point. Just stay there with Him for a while. 

Presence Heals What Answers Cannot

You may find yourself telling Him how angry you are. You may collapse into grief. You may feel comfort, or resistance.

Let whatever comes… come. God is not threatened by your honesty.

You may demand explanations He does not give, because eternity is bigger than our understanding. But you may begin to sense His love softening what grief has hardened.

If that happens, don’t pull away.

This kind of communion does not erase the pain of losing your child. But over time, through gentle, small beginnings, it can heal the place where grief fractured your relationship with God.

Scripture tells us that Christ strengthens us from the inside out. That strength does not come through answers.

It comes through His presence. And even when you cannot feel Him, He has not left.

A Final Encouragement

Jesus Himself knows what it is like to feel abandoned. On the cross, He cried out, “My God, why have You forsaken Me?” He understands the darkness that makes God feel absent. And He is the One living within you, bringing God’s love and light back into your life in a way that you can one day experience again.

If this stirred something tender in you, take your time. Journal what rises up. Write down anything you sense God sharing with you so you can return to it later.

Please share this with other pareavors who are quietly asking where God is after child loss and are longing to find Him when He feels silent after the death of a child.

You do not walk this road alone. You are always welcome at GPS Hope.

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NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 334. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

Click here to grab a copy of The Bible’s Grieving Parents eBook and find comfort in God’s Word for your grieving heart.

Click here to support the podcast, keep it ad-free, and get exclusive content.

If you would like gentle support as you navigate life after child loss, I’ve created a free guide to walk with you. Sign below and get your copy.

AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope. 

After losing a child, grief can feel suffocating. It can feel like everything goes dark, like the air has been sucked out of the room, and even breathing takes effort. It feels all-consuming, pressing in from every direction.

In the midst of that darkness, it may not seem possible that anything could make a difference. But one of the most powerful influences on how we experience grief after losing a child is something we often overlook: our thoughts.

This is not about pretending things are okay. It is not about positive thinking or minimizing pain. It is about understanding how our thoughts can either deepen the darkness of grief or slowly begin to loosen its grip, one moment at a time.

When Anger Turns into Something More

Many of us experience anger after losing a child. That anger is natural. It is understandable. Something has happened that never should have happened.

But anger can quietly turn into bitterness. Bitterness can grow into resentment. And before we realize it, our thoughts begin to circle around those feelings, feeding them and allowing them to take deeper root.

This progression is dangerous, not because grief is wrong, but because bitterness hurts us and those around us. It pulls us off the path of healing and keeps us stuck in a place we were never meant to remain.

We cannot control every thought that enters our minds. Thoughts will come, especially in grief. But we can control what we do with those thoughts. We can recognize them, dismiss them, and gently redirect our minds, or we can turn them over and over again, allowing them to settle deep in our souls.

When bitterness and resentment take root, they often lead to depression. We start feeling sorry for ourselves. Our soul spirals even deeper into the pit of darkness. We push people away, which only causes the spiral to continue.

Understanding how your thoughts can shape grief after losing a child is not about blame. It is about awareness.

When the Future Feels Too Dark to Look At

For many grieving parents, looking into the future feels unbearable. If the only thing you can see ahead is pain and darkness, then don’t set your gaze there.

For some of us, one day at a time is too much. Sometimes all we can manage is one hour at a time. Sometimes all we can do is take the next breath.

And that is okay.

Healing does not happen all at once. It happens in small, quiet moments, often without us even realizing it. And one of those moments comes when we begin to notice our thoughts and how they are affecting our grief.

There is hope. You can be free from bitter thoughts. Freedom begins when we give our minds to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to help us change what we focus on.

When your thoughts are consumed by the pain and horror of the past, ask Him to gently bring something good from your past to mind. When your thoughts race into the future and focus on who will not be there, ask Him to help you think about something eternal; something secure and full of hope.

God wants to be in your thoughts. He wants to help you learn to think about what is good and true, even while you grieve deeply.

Scripture reminds us:

“Above all, be careful what you think, because your thoughts control your life.”
Proverbs 4:23

Choosing Where to Place the Blame

Before we were born, God knew everything that would happen in our lives. He knew the times we would really mess up, and He already had a plan in place. He also knew that the enemy of our souls would bring hard and devastating things into our lives.

A few months after my daughter died, my sister’s house burned to the ground. Her family of seven lost everything except the clothes they were wearing and the van they had driven to church that night.

The only way they were able to move through that trauma and come out on the other side with victory and joy was because they refused to let their loss become the enemy’s gain. She made the decision not to let the past become a mortgage to her future.

Losing a home is not the same as losing a child. But it is still devastating. So many irreplaceable things are gone. Starting over from absolutely nothing (not even a paper clip) feels impossible.

The turning point comes when we realize that our destiny is not defined by what we are handed in life, but by what we do with what we are handed.

This is where our thoughts (and our beliefs) matter so much.

Beliefs, Thoughts, and the Grip of Grief

We get to choose what we believe. But believing something does not make it true.

Sometimes our beliefs are based on lies, or false ideas that we have absorbed without realizing it. Every time I ask God to show me a lie I have believed, He does. And that is a gift, because it means that lies can be replaced with truth.

Jesus said:

“You will know the truth, and the truth will give you freedom.”
John 8:32

Our emotions drive our actions. Our emotions are influenced by our thoughts. And our thoughts are shaped by our beliefs.

Some grieving parents think I will never get past this.
Others think I will always feel this way.

Some even think I don’t want to get past this, because they equate healing with forgetting their child. They believe that staying in pain keeps their child’s memory alive.

But that belief keeps them trapped in despair.

You do not have to stay in pain to remember your child. You can grieve deeply and still live a life filled with meaning, purpose, and even joy. In fact, it is not your pain that keeps you connected to your child. It is your love!

When we step back and look at the whole picture, we see how it all connects: beliefs shape thoughts, thoughts influence emotions, and emotions drive actions.

After losing a child, everything feels tangled together in a painful mess. But slowly, often without realizing it, we begin sorting it out.

Is It Possible to Live Again?

Here is a gentle question to consider: do you have even a small glimmer of hope that it is possible to live again?

Thousands of parents have walked this road ahead of you. They still miss their children deeply. They still carry grief. But they have learned how to engage with life again in meaningful ways.

When you read that, what is your immediate thought?

Is it something like, I don’t know how, but maybe someday?
Or is it, I don’t think that will ever happen for me?

If it feels impossible, ask the Holy Spirit to help you believe maybe. Just maybe.

As your thoughts begin to shift, your emotions will slowly follow. Over time, grief triggers may not cut as deeply or come as often. This does not mean that your love for your child is fading. It means that a needed measure of healing is taking place.

You get to choose what you believe. And the truth is, learning how your thoughts can shape grief after losing a child can open the door to freedom. And then you get to choose when to step out into that freedom – not forgetting your child, but remembering them in a way that honors them and warms your heart. 

The psalmist put it this way:

“Why am I so overwrought, why am I so disturbed?
Why can’t I just hope in God?
Despite all my emotions,
I will believe and praise the One who saves me, my God.”
Psalm 42:11

Grief is real. Pain is real. But so is hope.

And sometimes, hope begins with a single thought.

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NOTE: This was partially taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 333. Click here to listen to the full discussion, or look for the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

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AWARD WINNING AUTHOR, LAURA DIEHL, has written several impactful books that provide comfort and guidance to those navigating the painful journey of child loss, after the death of her own daughter in 2011. Her most acclaimed work, When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child, has received multiple accolades, including the 2017 Gold Medal Centauri Christian Book Award for Non-Fiction and a Silver Medal in the 2018 Illumination Awards. Several of her other books have won awards as well.

In addition to her writing, Laura is an ordained minister and has an extensive background in international children’s ministry. She is a sought-after speaker and singer at grief conferences and churches, known for her compassionate approach and deep understanding of the grieving process, especially the unique loss of a child. Through her weekly award-winning podcast, her writings, and other resources provided by GPS Hope, Laura and her husband, Dave, continue to provide hope and healing to thousands of parents worldwide, helping them find light in the midst of profound loss and darkness.

For more information about Laura’s award-winning books go to gpshope.org/books.
To find out more about Laura Diehl and the ministry of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) visit gpshope.org.

The link to Hope for the Future is an affiliate link, allowing part of the purchase price to go to GPS Hope.