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January 13, 2023 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

My Goal for This Year Is to Survive!

 

It seems everywhere I turn I see someone talking about their goals for the new year or sharing how to make sure you keep those goals and new year’s resolutions.

If your goal for this year is just to survive, like it was for me those first couple of years after my daughter died (or maybe you are ready to go beyond just surviving but are not sure how), here are five ways to help do that, using G.R.I.E.F.

G – Give yourself lots of grace. Don’t compare where you are on your journey with others. Don’t put yourself on a timetable. Don’t expect too much from yourself, because you are going to be forgetful, and you will feel like you are crying all the time. Be kind to yourself.

R– Release yourself from the guilt, especially the “should haves,” and “if onlys.” If you had a friend who was blaming themselves for their child’s death, you would tell them not to. That is a terrible burden for your friend to put on themselves, so do not do it to yourself.

I– Ignore those who want to try to fix you. They mean well, but if they have not lost a child, they cannot possibly know what you should or should not be doing. People who have not faced the loss of a child may tell you that you need to move on, that you need to get past it, or that you need to find a way to have closure. These are all people who do not want to see you in so much pain, and they mean well, but to say it bluntly, they don’t know what they are talking about.

E – Engage with other pareavors. We can help you know that everything that you are thinking and feeling is normal. We can be your hope for you when you don’t have your own, be a light in your place of darkness, and can be an encouragement that you can learn to live a life of meaning and purpose again. Pareavors need each other; to have others around them who “get it.”

F – Find a way to honor the life of your child. The ways we can honor our children are endless. Finding a way to honor the life of your child will help in not staying stuck in their death, which was a moment in time; an important and devastating moment for sure. But I don’t want to live my life from the position of “My daughter died.” I want to figure out how to live from “My daughter lived, and her life mattered.”

I realize that none of these five things specifically brought God into the process, but that is because God needs to be woven into each one of these.

You can give yourself grace because God is giving you grace.

You need to release yourself from guilt because God is not holding anything against you. In fact, Jesus paid a very high price – his own life – to make sure that you are released from all shame and all guilt. Holding on to your guilt is like denying that Jesus went to the cross and died for you.

You can ignore others who are trying to fix you because God is the only one who can take the shattered pieces of your heart and bring them back together.

Just like the Holy Spirit led you to this blog, He wants to help you connect and engage with other pareavors who can walk this journey with you so they can be His words of hope and His arms of love wrapped around you.

And God has already made a path for you to walk on that will help you find ways to honor your child while giving you a life of meaning and purpose.

I used to have what almost felt like panic attacks when I would think about getting further and further away from Becca…. Two years, five years, ten, twenty years…. I could barely breathe, thinking about it. But one day the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart saying: You are not getting further away from her. Each day brings you closer to seeing her again.

You can survive this year, and you will. Just hold on and take one day, one hour, one breath at a time. By this time next year, you will be one year closer to being with your child again!

This blog was taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast episode 193, which has more shared on this topic. You can listen here on YouTube. To listen directly on the GPS Hope website click here or find the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast on your favorite listening app.

NOTE: This is the September 30th entry in my newest book that will be coming out soon. It is a full year of daily readings, along with a short reflection and an appropriate Bible verse for each day. Click here to find out more.

If you would like a printable PDF of G.R.I.E.F to put somewhere as a reminder, we would be happy to send it to you. Just let us know below.

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on our private Facebook page or our public Facebook page. 
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: bereaved parent journey, child loss, child loss healing, coping with grief, emotional healing, finding hope after loss, G.R.I.E.F., GPS Hope, grief and healing process, grief support, grieving parents, honoring child’s life after death, honoring your child, moving through grief, spiritual healing after grief, support for bereaved parents, surviving grief

January 31, 2021 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

This Mom’s Grief

by Valorie Breslau

This Mom’s Grief

Have a good day….

How will I ever be able?

My smile forever different

And broken

My world now unstable.

 

All my tomorrows without you

Frighten me to no end.

Dear Lord,

How can I do this without

my beautiful son, my friend?

 

What matters is different

Same no more.

What I wouldn’t give

To have you crash through

The front door.

 

The person I was has left

And can no

Longer be,

Because someone so special

Has been taken from me.

 

My heart is still beating

The same one that gave you life,

Most days I wonder

How, when it has been cut

With a knife.

 

The knife is called death

So final and dark,

It’s taste in my mouth

Has left its scarred mark.

 

The life I once knew

Is broken and split in two

My existence is now measured

in living with and

then without you

 

Time will change ME,

Not make this go away.

I must surrender to knowing,

We will hug again

Someday!

 

I am changed by your death

until I take my last breath.

How long will that be?

Soon,

Is fine by me!

 

Until then,

I must trust the Lord with

My hourly request,

 

Please God,

Give me some rest!

 

Valerie Breslau is a mother of four sons and a grandmother of two.  She is married to her high school sweetheart.  Many years ago as a young woman, she gave her life to the Lord and her strong faith has been the light that guides her path.   As a newly grieving mom, she knows the only way to survive the depth of despair is to lean into God more than ever. Only he can save her from the intense darkness of grief.  She is trusting God for hope and joy as she learns to navigate this painful new normal after the death of her son.

 

It is important to take care of ourselves, and that can be really hard in our place of deep grief. We may even struggle with not wanting to do anything in the way of self-care. At GPS Hope, we understand that, and have done what we can to help, by putting together a list of 30 simple ways you can bring yourself comfort and take care of yourself. To have it sent to you, just submit your name and email. (You will also begin to receive a Weekly Word of Hope, which you can unsubscribe from at any time.)

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: child loss poetry, coping with grief, dealing with loss, death of a child, emotional grief, emotional healing, grieving mother, grieving poem, healing through grief, heartache poetry, hope in grief, loss and healing, loss of child, mother's grief poem, mother’s loss, overcoming loss, poems about grief, prayer for grief, surrendering grief, trusting God in grief

September 17, 2017 by Christi Wilson Leave a Comment

When Hurtful Words Cause Wounded Hearts

Hurtful words hurt.  Hurtful words wound.  Hurtful words leave scars.  Hurtful words damage hearts.

It is inevitable that harsh and hurtful words will come our way during our lifetime. They wound deeply. They can leave us feeling empty, betrayed, lost; as if someone ripped our hearts open. They can leave scars for many years. They can cause anger, bitterness, and an ugliness in our hearts, like no other.

17. makes the pain worseAnd that includes hurtful things people say to us when we have faced a deep loss or tragedy in our lives. Some people can say some really stupid things, trying to “help us” or make us feel better, but in reality, it can make the pain even worse.

I’m a survivor of hurtful words spoken to me as a child. Those ugly words said I was a loser; I would never amount to anything. Those words said that I was ugly, and unlovable. Those words said no one wanted me. Those words said I was an outcast and rejected. (It took many years of prayer, counseling, and spending much time in the word learning who I was in Christ, instead of who those ugly words said I was.)

When adult life came along, I found out that adults speak to other adults in hurtful ways too.

For many years, I continued to hang on to hurtful words that were spoken to me. I gave them life. I allowed them to have power over me, and to grow such an ugly virus in my heart that it came out in my own ugliness toward others. I was ugly on the inside because I allowed those painful words to manifest themselves into my life as anger, bitterness, harshness, hardness of heart, and more.

No one has the right to damage another 17. guard your heartperson’s heart with their words. When words come your way, you have the right to do what you want with those words, including the right to guard and protect your heart.

How do you do that, you ask? It’s not easy. It’s not a 12-step plan. It’s not done overnight. But, it can be done! How do I know this? Because, like I said, I am a survivor of hurtful words that have been spoken to me since childhood. I have had to learn how to let words go and to forgive the offense. Forgiving the offense was probably the easiest to do, believe it or not! Learning how not to let those words seep into my heart, and to protect my heart, was the hardest thing for me to learn.

Lately, I’ve seen words written on Facebook that are really mean, vile, and hurtful. Some hurt to the core. Some of those words have come from others that I have known for years, and thought very highly of by others. The words that were spoken to me personally, really hurt!

17. dont take on offenseAt first, I was stunned that one person in particular, would even speak to me that way. But then I realized that once again, I had a choice: I could either allow her hurtful words to grow and fester inside of me, or I could delete the comments from my heart’s hard drive, remove the virus it was trying to cause in my heart, and close that app. I chose the latter.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, I want to encourage you to stand up for yourself, and protect your heart as well. Don’t allow others to continue to speak hurtful words into your life. If it means removing negative people from your life, then so be it. I have removed quite a few people from my life, because of their hurtful words. I will do it again, if needed.

If you need to remove someone from your life who doesn’t understand your situation; who won’t quit saying painful things that leave you struggling to protect your heart, you still need to forgive that person and no longer hold onto the hurt. It does no good to let go of someone, but hang on to the offence.

Either way, forgiving someone who has 17. move oncaused deep pain because of their words, is for you. You need it. Your heart needs it. You need to be able to move on with your life without the hurt festering in your heart, becoming mean and ugly! Make the choice to delete the comments from your heart’s hard drive, remove the virus it was trying to cause in your heart, and close that app.

Let it go, and set yourself free. You will be glad that you did. I know I sure am!

border-butterflies (2)

Christi Wilson is the Administrative Assistant for GPS Hope.  You can find her at www.AtHomewithChristi.com, where she shares personal thoughts, inspirational points, DIY projects and favorite recipes.

 

Do you want to know more about how our thoughts and words are connected, and how they affect us? We would be happy to send you Chapter Eleven,  “The Pillar of Thoughts and Words” from Laura’s book When Tragedy Strikes. Here is an excerpt from that chapter.

Believing the truth is just as powerful as believing a lie.

People do what they do, based on their feelings, because of what they believe. Most people live mainly out of their feelings, and feelings do not always equal the truth. To put that a different way, just because I have feelings about something, no matter how strong, does not mean my feelings are necessarily based on the truth.

To change your behavior, which is driven by your emotions, you must know and understand the truth. It is truth that will set you free. To experience victory in any area of your life, you must overcome limiting beliefs in that area.

GPS Hope exists to bring hope to parents who have suffered the death of a child, acknowledging their unique grief with support, connection and education for them and those around them. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event, click here.

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: dealing with mean comments, emotional healing, emotional scars, forgiveness, freeing your heart from hurt, healing from hurt, healing from verbal abuse, heart protection, hurtful words, inner peace after hurt, letting go of anger, letting go of pain, moving on from offense, overcoming bitterness, overcoming negativity, personal growth after hurt, protecting your heart, self-care after hurtful words, spiritual healing after hurt

September 3, 2017 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

How to Give Yourself a Measure of Healing after the Death of Your Child

With the death of our child comes such intense darkness. Most of us lose our desire to live. We know it sounds crazy, especially those of us who have other children, spouses we love deeply, careers we enjoy, and so on. But we just feel so lost and helpless when our child leaves this earth. There are no words to adequately describe the depth of our pain and darkness, confusion and turmoil.

We must go through the grieving and 14. must go through itmourning process. We cannot go around it. And it always takes  so much longer than we want it to, or think it will. I remember two years in saying, “I just want to stop hurting so bad!”. Since that time, I have had several pareavors (bereaved parents) tell me the same thing.

There are two things that I have found which help with this process. I won’t say they necessarily speed it up, but they seem to ease the pain as we move forward to a place of hope and light again.

  1. Don’t isolate yourself. I am not talking about doing things like going to church, or family events. I am talking about spending time with other pareavors, who are further down this road than you are.

It took me almost three years before I spent time with other bereaved moms. At first, it was because I couldn’t find anyone in my area who had lost a child and was reaching out to those of us who had just recently faced the same devastation. Then, after a while, I didn’t want to. I was a mess, and I didn’t want to be in a group of people who were a mess like me! I didn’t want to sit around crying and boohooing with others about our children dying, feeling even worse when I left than when I arrived.

As I was coming up on the three-year anniversary of Becca’s death, I made myself go to a conference I heard about in a nearby state. It was a three-hour drive, and I had to arrive the night before. Sitting in my hotel room by myself, my hotel phone rang. It was Lynn Breeden, the host of the event, asking me if I wanted to join her and her team for dinner. I was scared. I was depressed. Everything in me screamed, “RUUUUUUN!” But I found myself saying yes, and heading downstairs.

14. a mess like meI was immediately embraced with warmth and love and acceptance. I felt like a long-lost sister! I am tearing up right now, just thinking about it.

That weekend was a huge turning point in my taking steps toward healing. I discovered it was actually comforting to be around a group of people who were a mess like me. And we didn’t just sit around and cry. We shared our children with each other, we laughed, we heard words of hope and encouragement, and yes, there were tears. But when they came, I didn’t have to explain or make excuses. Everyone there completely understood.

All that to say, don’t be afraid to connect with other pareavors, especially those who can be a guide, walking with you out of your darkness and back into a place of hope and light again. And if there are no groups in your area, there are many ways to connect online with us or others who are doing just that.

  1. Find a cause. Don’t let the death of your child be wasted. What was something he or she strongly believed in? Can you do something to fight their cause of death to prevent others from going through what you are going through? Did they have a favorite sport or activity that you can get behind, raising and donating money or starting a scholarship fund in his or her name?

When Becca died, I tried to find books 14. find a causeand online groups to help pull me out of the suffocating darkness, but so much of what was out there was despair and hopelessness, telling me that life would never be the same and never be worth living. I had a hard time with that.

While I knew my life would never be the same, I also knew I had the Seed of Hope living inside of me. He was not blindsided by her death like I was. Even though it made no sense to me and the pain was beyond what I even thought was possible, I knew He had to have a plan. I was determined to be like Jacob, wrestling with Him and not letting go until I could see some sort of a blessing from this horror!

And I did! One night I woke up in the middle of the night with a book title and ideas for chapters. I got up and wrote it down, and shortly after, started on my first book. One day at a conference, I ended up in a conversation with a New York publisher who asked me to send what I had his way, and five weeks later was offered a contract for When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child. Once I started writing, it was like a dam inside of me burst, as I published five books in only thirteen months.

During this time, people I didn’t even know started reaching out to me to help them with the loss of their child (and a couple of friends who suffered losses shortly after us). I realized I did not want other parents to have the same struggle I had after Becca’s death, only finding darkness and hopelessness. So, Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) was founded.

14. Speaker Paul RyanWe recently had the blessing of spending some time with Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan. He was so very gracious, and thanked us for reaching out in our pain to other grieving parents. We were also able to make him aware of the Parental Bereavement Leave Act in committee right now, which is a needed amendment to the FMLA, allowing twelve weeks of unpaid leave for grieving parents (like it does when a child is born or adopted).

I have been in complete awe that in only two short years, between my books and speaking, I have been able to touch literally thousands of grieving parents with hope, after the death of their child.

I can’t even begin to describe what all of this has done for me in the healing process! And I am convinced from the dozens of parents I have talked to directly, reaching out of your pain to help someone else will do the same for you.

As I shared in the beginning, we must all go through the grieving and mourning process. We cannot go around it. And it always takes so much longer than we want it to, or think it will. I want to encourage you, if you are like I was, crying out “I just want to stop hurting so bad!”, find a way to do these two things, and you will be on your way to making that happen.

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I would love for you to meet my precious friend, Pastor Lynn Breeden, whom I mentioned above. She was one of the speakers at our recent online conference (Virtual Summit for Bereaved Parents). To watch the session “Does it Ever Get Better?” submit your name and email below, and we will send you a link to unlock this bonus session from our Virtual Summit.

Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl to bring hope, light and life to those struggling in darkness after a tragedy, especially bereaved parents. If you would like more information about Laura as an author or a speaker for your next event, click here.

GPS Hope exists to bring hope to parents who have suffered the death of a child, acknowledging their unique grief with support, connection and education for them and those around them.

 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: bereaved parents support, child loss support groups, connecting with other grieving parents, coping with child loss, emotional healing, finding hope after loss, GPS Hope, grief after child loss, grieving journey, grieving parents, healing from child loss, healing through helping others, healing through purpose, honoring your child’s memory, hope after tragedy, loss of a child, mourning process, overcoming darkness after loss, overcoming grief, parental bereavement, turning pain into purpose

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