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January 3, 2021 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Can God Betray Us?

Mary and Martha must have felt so betrayed by God.

They send for Jesus to come quickly when Lazarus was sick, but their brother died because Jesus stayed put for three days before heading to them! (You can find this in John 11.) “If you had come, he wouldn’t have died! Why didn’t you come and heal him???”

They knew Jesus could have healed their brother because they followed him. They watched Jesus do miracles constantly. In fact, according to John 21:25, He did so many miracles they couldn’t all be recorded – meaning there are hundreds of them we don’t even know about!

“It’s our turn! We need a miracle, now!” This time it wasn’t just some stranger reaching out to Jesus. Lazarus, Mary, and Martha were some of his closest friends. He often stopped at their house for a meal or to stay overnight.

But Jesus knew there was something greater to happen through the death of Lazarus than through a miraculous healing.

Yes, I am going there… just hear me out.

My Personal Revelation

One evening while talking to a group of pareavors online, I had the realization that I am doing what I do today because Becca didn’t receive the miraculous healing that she needed for her heart.

In other words, my daughter went through ten years of severe heart issues that included at least a dozen ambulance rides and three med flight helicopter rides the last eighteen months of her life. She survived a pregnancy and labor when the doctors gave her a 50/50 chance of survival because they just didn’t know what her heart was going to do. She lived through three open heart surgeries. (One was to put in a pump to run the left side of her heart, and another was to take it out after a bizarre incident that made the pump start shorting in and out, shocking her heart over and over.) She had a stroke that caused permanent damage, was brought back to life after 17 minutes from SCD (Sudden Cardiac Death), and survived being in the Trauma Life Center when all of her organs shut down from sepsis (blood poisoning).

This girl was a walking miracle, that started when she was only three years old, getting bone cancer, having her little left leg amputated, and going through nine months of chemo. She was the only survivor of the children who were in her hospital getting treatments at the same time. (The chemo is what caused the heart damage that plagued her those last ten years.)

And then on the evening of October 12,2011 her heart just randomly gave out and she died! As strange as it may sound, I was blindsided. So many people prayed and fasted for her, some of them since she was three. I really believed God was either going to miraculously heal her heart, or she was going to be able to get the needed heart transplant.

I don’t have to tell you how devastated I was and the darkness it put me in when she died. I held on to God with everything I had, like Jacob wrestling with the angel, telling Him I wasn’t going to let go until He miraculously turned it around for me to see some kind of a blessing on the other side of this. That seemed like a crazy thing to fight for, because how is it even remotely possible to have a blessing in my life as a result of something so horrific as my daughter’s death?????

But here I am.  It’s hard to explain how fulfilled and blessed I feel, to be a light to thousands of grieving parents who find themselves in the same darkness I was once in, through the ministry of GPS Hope. Does it make me glad Becca died so I can be doing this? ABSOLUTELY NOT!  I would trade it all instantly to have her back with me here on earth, but I can’t.

God didn’t betray you.

This might be impossible to believe right now, but He has something for you that goes beyond the death of your child. Just like Lazarus, Jesus knows something greater can happen through the death of your precious child, than through a miraculous healing or His hand of protection that we so desperately wanted for them. (And no, God didn’t kill your child to teach you a lesson! He just knows that the eternal fruit of their departure can outweigh the eternal fruit of them staying here.)

I know what you’re probably thinking. Maybe God did that for you, Laura, but I don’t see that happening for me! It’s okay if you can’t see it for yourself right now. I (and other parents who have been right where you are) will be your eyes to see it and your hope to believe it, until you have your own hope and your own eyes to see.

When my husband, Dave, and I were dating, God kept telling him to “wait” to propose. Dave did a study on the word wait and found out one meaning is “a carved work.”

In our darkness, we are waiting a long time because God is doing a carved work. He will even let us believe He has betrayed us and be angry with Him as He is at work in our darkness. He continues though, knowing that someday we will understand. And that “someday” may not be until we are reunited with our children.

Dare to tell God that you are going to wrestle with Him until you see something good in your life because of the earthly departure of your child. Fight for it. And realize sometimes that fighting is learning how to rest in Him while He is at work preparing your personal miracle, which is something only He can do in such a place of darkness and pain.

 

 

Are you struggling with you faith or your relationship with God after the death of your child? Many grieving parents do.

We would like to send you a video session, “Has Your Faith Been Shattered?” from our 2017 online conference. Just fill in your name and email address below, and hit the submit button. (You will also join over a thousand other parents receiving a Weekly Word of Hope, which you can unsubscribe from at any time.)

 

Expressions of Hope is provided by Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). The founders, Dave and Laura Diehl, travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, and bringing intimate weekend retreats to bereaved parents. Laura is also a singer/songwriter and the author of multiple award-winning books.

If you would like more information about bringing Dave and Laura to you for an event, please send an email to office@gpshope.org.

If you are interested in bringing GPS Hope to your area for a weekend retreat click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.

 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: child death faith, child loss journey, finding hope after loss, finding purpose in grief, God and grief, God's work in grief, God’s plan for grief, GPS Hope ministry, grief after child loss, grief and faith, grieving parents, healing after child death, healing through pain, hope after loss, loss of a child, miracles and grief, miraculous healing, personal grief journey, spiritual growth through grief, strength through grief, trusting God after loss, trusting God with grief

September 6, 2020 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

When the Bible Seems to Contradict Life

In 1985 my world was turned upside down when our three-year-old daughter, Becca, was diagnosed with osteogenic sarcoma – bone cancer. Her tiny little left leg was amputated, and she went through nine months of chemotherapy.

God spared her life at that time. However, we found out several years later that an unknown long-term effect of one of the chemo drugs used was heart damage.

She was married at the young age of nineteen and became pregnant within the first few months. Because pregnancy causes such a stress on the heart, it escalated her moderate heart damage to the point of only being given a 50/50 chance of surviving the labor and delivery, whether it was by cesarean or vaginally.

God spared both her life and the life of our precious little granddaughter, and we were very thankful. But from that point on, her weakened heart was a major issue in her life.

For the next nine years she dealt with heart issues. They became so severe she needed to be placed on the heart transplant list but wasn’t healthy enough. On Becca’s 28th birthday, she had major heart surgery, putting in a pump to run the left side of her heart. For the next eighteen months, she had several major life-and-death issues, which caused a dozen ambulance rides and three med flight helicopter trips to her hospital, forty miles away.

On October 12, 2011, our daughter’s heart finally gave out, and she crossed over to meet Jesus face-to-face and to receive her full and complete healing. (Details of Becca’s story can be read by clicking here.)

Why am I sharing all of this? Because as someone who has lost a child through death, and as someone who grew up believing the Bible is God’s Word, the two can be hard to reconcile.

Before my daughter Becca died, there are so many verses that I could agree with, and cheer for as the truth in my life.  But now, there are many verses that I have to dig into for a deeper meaning, because what I thought some of those scriptures meant, no longer made sense in my deep pain and confusion.

For instance, Ephesians 3:20 tells us that God is “able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works in us.” I used to love that verse, because I could imagine a lot of good things, believing God would do even more than those great and wonderful things I could imagine! And that included awesome things for my kids. Yahoo!

But when the Holy Spirit showed me how to see that verse in a totally different way after Becca died, it became very precious to me. When we are in that place of suffocating darkness after the death of our child, we can’t ever imagine coming out of the darkness. We can’t imagine we can learn how to live a life of meaning and purpose without our child here. We can’t imagine living out the rest of our lives in so much pain, just living in a shell wanting and waiting to die to go be with our child.

But God can! God not only imagines all of that, He can do way above and beyond what we thought was possible in our lives. So often we can only imagine darkness for the rest of our time here on earth. But He can do so much more than what we can imagine. He can bring light. He can bring hope. He can give us a life of meaning and purpose again, not in spite of our child’s death, but because of his or her life!

Here’s another one.

1 Corinthians 2:9 says, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him” (GW). This was a verse that used to be so exciting to me! God has more for me than I could ever imagine! Wow! How awesome is that? Lay it on me, God!

Let me just say, the darkness and pain of my daughter’s death was definitely more than I could have imagined, and it is not awesome, it is horrible!

But wait…let me share with you what I have discovered. This verse isn’t talking about the great life we are going to have with awesomeness and wonderful things being poured out on us continually. It is talking about the mystery of the death of Jesus, and how God was going to use it so that our “faith would not be based on human wisdom but on God’s power” at work in us (verse 5).  Now that is a real wow; much deeper than the shallow “bless me with all kinds of good stuff, and I will follow You” kind of belief in God.

Verse 12 says, “We didn’t receive the spirit that belongs to the world. Instead, we received the Spirit who comes from God so that we could know the things which God has freely given us.” So what has God freely given us?

How about for a start:

  • Comfort
  • Peace in the storms (or tsunamis) of life beyond our own understanding
  • Hope
  • Joy that goes beyond our circumstances
  • Triumph and victory over tragedy
  • Resurrection power and life from death

I now see these verses in 1 Corinthians and Ephesians as more of a promise for those of us who have been thrown into a place of deep darkness. It is God’s promise that He is going to bring us out in a way that we can’t see or hear right now, and we can’t even imagine how, in our place of darkness. This new understanding makes a whole lot more sense to me than using this scripture as a u-rah-rah-Go-God type of verse to be excited about Him being some sort of Santa Clause bringing us all kinds of fun presents.

How about you? Are you in a place of deep struggle, wondering how God could possibly tell us He has so many good things for us? Is He lying to us? Was that just something to make us think He is good, to deceive us into believing in Jesus as our Savior? Let me answer that with a resounding no! God is good. Not only is He good, but He is perfect in all of His ways, or He would no longer be God. If I could turn Him into a magic genie to make my wishes come true, He would no longer be big enough to be God.

It comes down to a matter of trust. Do I trust that He can see what I cannot see? Do I trust that He can hear what I cannot hear? Do I believe that He knows the full picture, and that what I am going through fits into the plan of eternity, way beyond what my finite mind can comprehend of life here and now on earth?

I choose to believe the richness of the full depth of 1 Corinthians 2:9. My eyes cannot see, my ears cannot hear, and my mind cannot imagine what God is going to do with my darkness, but God can and will do so much more in my life, as He starts to bring glimmers of light into my darkness.

I have chosen to believe not only that He can, but that He will bring life from death itself. After all, that is His specialty! Will you join me?

 

Are you looking for help with your grief from a Christian perspective? We would like to send you chapter nine, A Spiritual Fireside Chat, from Laura’s book When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life With Hope and Healing after the Death of Your Child. (This will also allow you to join over 1,000 other parents who are receiving a Weekly Word of Hope, which you can unsubscribe from at any time.)

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

 

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: 1 Corinthians 2:9 meaning, Bible verses after loss, child loss, Christian grief, Christian motherhood loss, death and eternal life, Ephesians 3:20 grief, finding hope after death, grief and faith, grief testimony, Jesus and suffering, losing a daughter, resurrection hope, trauma and hope, trusting God in grief

June 28, 2020 by Laura Diehl 4 Comments

Is the Enemy’s Objective Working on You?

It’s a good thing that I enjoy hearing from bereaved parents and writing back to them, because I get many emails every week.

Many of those I hear from share a similar struggle.  It is the struggle of doubting God’s goodness, asking questions along the line of:

  • Does God really even exist?
  • Is there really a heaven?
  • How could He be real if He is so cruel by allowing so many terrible things to happen in this world?

I thought I would share my answer to one of those emails here, because it is a struggle I often hear about. I will call her Madeline. She was beginning to doubt if God is even real, or if there is an afterlife when we leave this earth.

Madeline,

When our child dies, we are such a vulnerable target for the enemy. We are confused, angry, and all the other emotions which are very familiar to you now. You have probably heard me say that I had no idea that so much darkness and pain even existed or was possible.

You are right, God would be very cruel if He allowed all of these horrible things to happen to some of us and is selective on who He helps and who He does not. God is in the business of redeeming and restoring what the enemy corrupts and damages. So maybe, we aren’t looking at it through the right eyes. We are trying to humanize God, which just isn’t possible.

One of the enemy’s top objectives is to make us think all of the horrible things that happen to us here on earth is God’s fault, and that He really isn’t who He says He is. The enemy is out to do that by planting doubts in our mind, just like he did with Eve at the beginning of time. His specialty is lying, deceiving, killing, destroying, stealing from us, and then getting us to blame God instead of him.

God’s specialty is restoring, redeeming, peace, loving us through our doubts, anger, bitterness and blaming Him. Here is something I wrote in my book When Tragedy Strikes.

I can choose to believe there is no God or He would have saved my child. I can choose to believe that if there is a God, He isn’t good and He isn’t fair or He would have saved my child. Both of those options leave me feeling angry and empty. I have chosen the third option. There is a God, His thoughts and ways are so much higher than mine, He loves me with a perfect love, and even though I don’t understand why He has allowed this to happen, I still trust Him with my life both here on earth and for eternity. This option has brought me to a place of peace, rest, hope, and life again—even within the pain.

Death is a part of life. We will all die at some point. And as painful as it is, some of us will have children who leave this earth ahead of us. The question is how are we going to choose to live the rest of our lives when they are gone and there is nothing we can do to bring them back?

During grief, people either move toward God or away from Him. But when we move away from Him, we are moving away from the One who can help us the most. God wants to walk with us through this valley of death. He wants to give us comfort. He wants to give us strength. He wants to give us hope. These are all things we desperately need. But if we choose to move away from Him, we will continue to desperately need these things. This is a time to get as close to God as you possibly can. 

As I was writing the last paragraph, I got a picture of a distraught child crying uncontrollably. In the picture, I see a father bending down to pick up that child. The child is so upset he is kicking and screaming and fighting the father, who is trying to pick him up. Eventually the child runs out of strength and relaxes in the embrace of his loving father. And now that child can receive the comfort, strength, and hope he wants and needs. It is the same with us. Don’t fight the One who can give you the very things you need. Surrender, let Him embrace you and carry you in His strong arms of love.

I pray you get to the point where you can choose to believe God is bigger than death, that He made a way for you to be with your child again, and that our life here for all of us is only temporary. As a recent guest on a GPS Hope YouTube video, Wayne Jacobson shared, it’s like we are in the lobby, and the real show is on the other side of the door, behind the curtain.

You are on your own journey, and I am so honored and blessed to be walking some of it with you. For me, I would go crazy if I believed Becca’s life was over, she is nothing but dust now and I will never ever see her again; never be able to hug her or hear her laugh. I get so much more peace from believing that God sees the big picture, that He knew the exact second Becca’s heart would stop and her last breath would be taken, and He knows that about me as well, and He put a plan in place before that ever happened so that we could be together again. He was there to meet Becca when she crossed over, and He and Becca will be there to meet me when I cross over.

If you are struggling with some of these same things, I pray this was helpful to you. Our life is a journey, and we have been placed on a road we never wanted to be on. But you are not on this road alone. There are thousands who are ahead of you, and many who want to walk with you.

Those of us at GPS Hope are here to walk with you. To hear more emails answered about struggles grieving parents are having, you can head over to our GPS Hope YouTube channel. Be sure to subscribe and click the bell icon to get notifications when a new video comes out.

You can also join over a thousand other parents who are receiving a Weekly Word of Hope delivered to them by email. Just let us know below where you would like it to be sent.


Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

 

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: child loss, Christian grief support, Christian hope, comfort for bereaved parents, does God exist, doubting God after loss, faith after child loss, GPS Hope, grief and faith, grieving parents, hope after tragedy, is there a heaven, Laura Diehl, losing faith after death, loss of a child, questioning God after death, spiritual struggle in grief, trusting God after loss, where is God in grief, why did God let my child die

December 1, 2019 by Laura Diehl 2 Comments

Why Bother Praying Any More? (Part 2)

“Why bother praying if God is just going to do whatever He wants?”

This is one of the greatest struggles I hear about in conversations with other bereaved parents. We pray for protection for our children, or pray for a healing, and when we don’t see God answer those prayers, it is frustrating (or we are outright angry) as it makes no sense, especially when we did everything we were supposed to do on our end.

In the previous blog, I shared part of an email from a hurting, grieving parent, who was questioning this very thing. And after admitting that I have struggled with it as well, I began to share my thoughts and heart on this issue.

To read part one, before continuing with part two, click here, which I highly recommend, as it gives four different perspectives on why we might want to keep praying.

As I was thinking and praying (yes, talking to God about this), I believe the Lord gave me an illustration that made so much sense to me. I have since shared it with dozens of other bereaved parents, and it seems to make sense to them as well.

As a king rules his land, his subjects will come to him to petition him for things. He can either say yes, or no, based on his view of the big picture of the entire kingdom.

The subject will be happy with his answer if he gets what he is asking for. But he could be pretty upset with the king if his request is denied. He may even be angry and slander the king to the other subjects, deciding he isn’t a very good king at all, for not doing what he wanted or needed, forgetting that the king is looking from a completely different viewpoint.

So, the subject may not always get his request granted, but at least he came before the throne for the King to hear his case. But if that subject doesn’t bother coming to the king with his need, the king has no obligation whatsoever to move on his behalf.

 

And that, is why we need to keep praying.

I believe this is what “request” prayers are like. I am petitioning the King for what I think I need, or even something I desperately want. He answers according to the big picture of eternity that I cannot see, based on information I don’t know. Sometimes my request is granted, and sometimes it is not, which can make me hurt, angry, and believing He isn’t a good King (or a loving Father). But I still need to continue going to Him with my requests and knock on the door to see if it opens for me.

I understand the struggle, and yes, I still sometimes wonder in my thoughts why I should bother asking God for something, especially when I feel like yet another prayer hasn’t been answered in the way I thought it would (or should) be answered.

And when I find that happening, I am learning to ask God what it is about Him that I don’t understand yet, because when I try to lean on my own understanding, I can get all messed up. So, I need to see things from His perspective. And if I don’t get an answer to that? Then I have decided to continue to believe that He sees what I cannot see, and knows what I do not know, and I will continue to share my heart with Him, trusting that someday, it will all make sense.

I think the bottom line is that we try to make sense of God with our finite brains and limitations, but that is just plain impossible. We want God to answer to us, which is just as futile as a teenager arguing with his parents, wanting them to answer to him. How can they? How can they explain that they see what their teenager cannot see, and knows what their teenager doesn’t know, in a way that makes that teen satisfied with the answer? And how can God possibly explain to us through His lens of eternity?

My husband, Dave, got a four-year degree in Computer Science. (It was so long ago that he even had to do a computer punch card program for one of his classes. Yikes!). His entire 30-year career was with programming computers, fixing computer programs and crashes, or internationally managing others who were doing it. There are times I ask Dave (who is my personal geek squad) to do something for me, and he has to tell me it can’t be done. I always want him to explain why, because it seems like he should be able to find a way, since he is a computer programmer by profession.

He often sighs, knowing that at some point I will get totally lost and not understand what he is trying to explain to me. (Interpretation: I get really frustrated, because it still doesn’t make any sense to me…)

I’m pretty sure the same thing would happen if I were to ask a nuclear scientist a question on how something worked, because it is beyond what my mind would be able to follow or comprehend.

God is greater than any computer techy or nuclear scientist, so what makes me think I would be able to follow or comprehend God’s explanation, either?

We often try to bring God down to our level because we want to understand His actions – why He does what He does. That is like the Israelites. They knew the acts of God, which left them always grumbling and complaining, but Moses knew His ways (Psalm 103:7). There is a big difference between knowing the actions of God and knowing His heart. When we go beyond knowing the acts of God and press in to knowing His ways (in other words, His heart), we can still trust that He is good and He is faithful, even in the deepest and darkest pain we can face on this earth.

And we can continue to come to Him with our requests, knowing that He is God and we are not. Someday this will all be behind us, and we will understand as we see through the same lens of eternity that our children now have.

 

Are you struggling to move forward in your life because of the painful things that have happened? Are you confused at God’s vision for your life? Do you need a deeper revelation of who God is in you?

Laura would love to give you the eBook version of her book Triple Crown Transformation. Just let us know where you would like it to be sent.

 

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

 

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

 

  • Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: child loss and prayer, continuing prayer after grief, faith after loss, God's eternal view, God's perspective on prayer, GPS Hope, grief and faith, grief and prayer, grieving parent resources, grieving parent struggles, grieving parents prayer, Laura Diehl, prayer after child loss, prayer during grief, prayers for grief support, trusting God in grief, unanswered prayers, understanding God’s ways, why God doesn't answer prayer, why pray after loss, why prayers go unanswered

April 7, 2019 by Laura Diehl 24 Comments

Five Shifts in How to See God After the Death of Your Child

“How can I trust a God who says He loves us and yet allowed this terrible thing to happen to me and my child?” This is a question many grieving parents have.

When everything is going great and I am getting all my prayers answered the way I want, it is easy to believe that God is faithful, and that He is good, and to choose to trust Him with my life. But it is totally different to still believe He is faithful and good and to continue to trust Him when something horrible happens, like the death of my child.

If you are like me, for many years I was a “good Christian” and “claimed the promises of God” like praying protection over my family. And I saw Him answer those prayers over and over again. So when my daughter, Becca, died, does that mean God didn’t keep His promises, that He is not faithful and that I can no longer trust Him?

This is a huge topic, but for the sake of keeping it short and readable for this blog, I am only going to share five quick thoughts.

First let me say that our perspective has everything to do with how this question is answered, which probably shifted drastically at a time when we needed God more than ever in our lives.

So in order to shift our perspective again, either a new thought needs to be introduced and received, or an old one reclaimed. I suggest, even if you aren’t on speaking terms with God right now, that you pause to make sure your heart is open to these five things to help you make the needed shift, which will allow Him to carry you through the darkness and back into hope, light and a life worth living again.

1. Some parents are helped by the realization that their child is not missing; he or she is simply absent.

To be absent means not to be present for the moment. The Bible says that for someone who has accepted the gift of salvation, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8). We may have lost our child from this earth, but it is only a temporary loss. Becca is only absent from my presence for the rest of my time here on earth.

I can either focus on my personal loss that my child is permanently absent from this earth (which sends me in a downward spiral) or I can focus on the fact that my child is absent from my presence for now but is present with the Lord in glorious joy and perfection. And even though the pain is intense with the temporary separation, I will meet up with my child again in our eternal home, never to be separated again.

And if you are tormenting yourself with the thought that he or she might not have made it there, let me say you don’t know that. You don’t have all the information that God does, so choose to believe that your child made the right choice before death and were welcomed in the open arms of the Savior, instead of choosing to fear that God turned His back on him or her. Why wouldn’t God make one last split-second offer? He loves your child even more intensely than you do and paid the ultimate price of allowing His Son to be brutally murdered to pay the price needed for our sins, so that we can all to be together! If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is!

2. Reading the book of Psalms in the Bible can be extremely helpful.

Over and over the writer cries out for help from a very dark place of despair. And God responds by being a rock, a refuge and help in times of need. I spend a lot of time there when I “relapse” and find myself struggling with the pain and reality that Becca is gone from this earth and I won’t see her again until I join her in heaven.

3. Don’t try to hide from your fears or pretend they aren’t there.

God wants you to bring all your feelings to Him, including the dark and negative ones. You may be wondering, He knows these things already. Why should I have to tell Him how I am feeling? Because you need to admit those things, so you can give them to God and let Him work with you at being set free. If you do this persistently, those tormenting feelings of fear and anger will eventually lose their hold on you, and you will find yourself opening up once again to God’s love and faithfulness to you through the worst trial you have ever faced, and find yourself starting to trust Him again to get you through it somehow.

4. Find different promises you can hold up to God.

I have chosen to believe Romans 8:18 more now than I ever did, which tells me the sufferings of this present time cannot be compared with the glory that will be revealed in me. Knowing how great my suffering has been, that must be some incredible glory that will be revealed to me at some point!

How about the promise of Jesus telling us He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5)? That is not a promise based on conditions. It is set and firm, no matter what we choose to do or not do or based on how we feel about Him.

He is our constant companion and source of everything we need during this time. The question is not “Where is God?” The question is “Where am I?” I can walk out on Him very easily, and many of us do. We ignore Him, as though He is no longer with us. That is never the case. Guess who moved away? (Hint: it’s not God.)

5. Remember that God always leads us into triumph.

During a worship song at church one day, I suddenly realized that if I bring God into my battle (including the battle of my fears and my darkness) then I will win, because it is impossible for Him to lose! He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. God has the first and last word in my life, and He also has it in the life of my child!

God has never entered a battle where He came out as the loser, and He never will. As soon as I see God on my side and not as the enemy, and ask Him to fight for me, I know somehow in the end I will come out victorious!

I can offer no easy fix or solution to this often-painful dilemma after the death of one’s child, although it is very black-and-white. We either believe God is good and Satan is evil, or we don’t.

We either believe that God isn’t big enough and has not won the final victory over sin and death, or we believe that He is more than enough, and the death of my child is not where God reached His limits. Somehow, He has a way out of the suffocating darkness of grief because of His deep love for me, and I am determined to hold on to Him with everything I have until He gets me to that place.

There is freedom in surrender. There is peace in trusting. That may not make any sense, but isn’t that part of what makes Him God? So often life here on this earth won’t make any sense with our limited minds. God sees what we cannot see, and He knows what we do not know. And we need to get to the point where we are okay with the fact that there are just some answers we won’t get on this side of eternity.

Living life here on earth without my oldest daughter has been an extremely painful challenge. And in working my way through the grief, I have discovered that God is not who I thought He was. He is way better than how I limited Him before. He is more compassionate, more loving, more faithful, more everything that is good, and that I need, to get me through my remaining time here until I am reunited forever with Becca.

I pray you will make the same discovery.

We would love to hear from you. Please share in the comments below which of the five shifts spoke to you the most. You never know who you might encourage with your own thoughts on this subject.

This blog was taken from the book When Tragedy Strikes: Rebuilding Your Life with Hope and Healing After the Death of Your Child. As of the writing of this blog, we are in the process of putting together a free study course for those who want to go deeper than the book takes them. We would be happy to let you know when it is ready to be offered and to send more detailed information.

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

Laura is a national keynote speaker and has also been a workshop speaker for events such as The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences, along with being a guest on radio shows, podcasts and other media channels such as webinars with Open to Hope.

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.
 We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel. 

Filed Under: Expressions of Hope Tagged With: Biblical perspective on grief, comfort for grieving parents, coping with the death of a child, death of a child, Faith through grief, finding hope after loss, God's promises in grief, grief and faith, grief and healing, grieving parents, healing after child loss, hope after tragedy, loss of a child, trusting God after loss, Trusting God during grief

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