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April 28, 2020 by Laura Diehl 4 Comments

54: Why Did God Allow Me to Suffer Like This?

Last week we started looking at Job through the eyes of a parent who has also lost a child. This week continues this fascinating study, starting with of Job’s friends, whom he calls “miserable comforters”.

There are many things we can relate to in the book of Job, much more than I realized until I dug into the book of Job for the purpose of this series in looking at parents in the Bible who have lost a child.

In this episode, we also take a look at Satan’s role in this, and how it might be a very similar role he played in the death of our own child.

And then, of course, there is God’s over arching view that comes into play, which is important to look at through a different lense than we are probably used to in this unique book in the Bible.

I pray you come away encouraged, with fresh new insight from someone we usually only partially hear about in messages about Job and his trials.


Links Mentioned in this episode:

Click here to become a monthly partner with GPS Hope or to give a special gift.

(GPS Hope is a 501c3 nonprofit and runs on the financial support of those who believe in passing along the hope they have received to others.)


Birthdays:

Nikolas Barrett Graves was born on May 3 and is forever 23.

Shannon Olsen was born on May 3 and she is forever 19.

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

April 21, 2020 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

53: Trying to Find God in the Midst of Our Deepest Pain

We are still in the series Parents in the Bible Who Lost a Child, and this week it’s time to look at Job. You are probably tempted to skip this one because it’s easy to pass right by him, thinking we already know Job’s story. (He lost everything, had friends who didn’t do a good job of comforting him, and then God gave him everything back…Whatever…!)

Please stay with me for this one because…

As I started really studying Job from the perspective of a parent who has had my own child die, it amazed me how much is there that we don’t realize. In fact, there is so much richness and depth that can encourage us in our situation as bereaved parents (such as Job is someone who can identify with our suffering in the face of when it doesn’t make sense, especially if we have held up our end in being a “good Christian”) that it will take two episodes to get through it.

This week we are going start by looking at Job himself, and at his wife. Next week we will look at his so-called friends, God’s response to everything, and then pull it all together.

I believe both weeks will bring encouragement, hope and light, to help lift some of the heaviness in your soul after the death of your own child.

 

Links Mentioned in this episode:

Find out more information about Pearls of Hope.

Go to the web store to place your order or look at the jewelry options.

Join us live this Saturday, April 25th at 4:00 PM Central, for the Pearls of Hope oyster opening.

 

Birthdays:

Adam Sharp was born on April 21 and is forever 19.

Christopher Schofer was born on April 21 and is forever 25.

Abigail Jane (Abi) was born on April 25 and is forever 18 months.

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

April 19, 2020 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

How to Help a Grieving Parent

I have been doing a series on the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast of parents in the Bible who had a child die. It has been a fascinating study, seeing these historical events through the eyes of someone who has also had a child die.

What has really amazed me is how much is “hidden” that I have never realized was there in each child’s death, that bereaved parents can either grab ahold of, or let go of, in their grief journey.

The first death in the Bible was Adam and Eve not only having their child die, but it was at the hands of another son! I cannot even begin to imagine what a double whammy that would be like – to have one of my children murder my other child!

I have also shared about the baby of David and Bathsheba’s who died (making King Solomon a “rainbow baby”). Last week I talked about Mary, the mother of Jesus, who was told when Jesus was just an infant that a sword would pierce her soul. (Wow! Can we bereaved parents ever relate to that!!!)

This week I am studying Job, who lost all ten of his children at the same time! Once again, I am amazed to see how much is there that we pareavors can lean into.

One of the things I have seen so clearly with Job’s story, is something I would like to share with you.

Job’s friends started out right. They sat with him for seven days in silence, just being with him in his grief, but then they started to offer him solutions (out of their own ignorance). In fact, by the end, God told three of them to go to Job and offer burnt sacrifices and have Job pray for them. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly (Job 42:7-8 NIV).

Let’s look at a couple of other scriptures.

Romans 12:15 is a pretty familiar one to most of us. Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.  Some translations say mourn with those who mourn.

Here is one we aren’t quite as familiar with. Prov. 25:20 states, Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart (NIV). 

Here it is in a different translation. When you sing a song of joy to someone suffering in the deepest grief and heartache, it can be compared to disrobing in the middle of a blizzard or rubbing salt in a wound (TPT).

There is a reason I am sharing these verses with you.

I want to help you know how to truly minister to someone who is grieving a deep loss.

Because we love and care for that person, we want to make them feel better, so we offer our best solution, which usually starts with “At least…”

  • At least you still have your other children
  • At least you know she’s in a better place
  • At least you can be happy for her because she is healed now
  • At least you got to have him for 19 years

That doesn’t make us feel better. It’s pouring vinegar (or salt) on our open gaping wound. It is making us feel totally exposed in the freezing cold blizzard of our painful loss.

Saying those kinds of things is like being Job’s comforters. They had never experienced what Job was going through, but for some reason, they decided they had the answers he needed.

Which brings up another thing some people do, thinking it helps the person grieving.

I know how you feel because I lost my ___________.

I get it. We are trying to relate to that person who is in deep grief with our deepest loss. But that just doesn’t help, especially if it isn’t even a similar loss such as, I know how you feel in losing your child because I cried for six months when my grandpa died. (Yes, I have heard that…)

One thing I have noticed is that bereaved parents very rarely tell even another grieving parent, I know how you feel, even if they lost their child the same way. We just seem to understand that our relationship with our child and the depth of the loss is so unique, that I don’t know how you feel about your loss. I know how I felt. I know the darkness I went through and how I didn’t want to live anymore for a while, etc. But that doesn’t mean I know how you feel.

Then there are the statements such as: 

  • You are so strong. I couldn’t go through what you are going through. (Say what? That makes it sound like I chose to have this loss. Believe me, I am not strong, just because you see me barely surviving.)
  • God needed another angel, so He took your child (spouse, etc.). (Newsflash: God doesn’t kill people on earth to fill an angel roster in heaven. What an awful thought!)
  • God says He won’t give us more than we can handle. (That is not in the Bible. There is a verse that says He won’t let us be tempted more than we can bear and will provide a way of escape in 1 Corinthians 10:13. In fact, we are told when life is more than we can handle that He will be our Rock, our Fortress, Our Deliver, Our Anchor, etc.)
Don’t beat yourself up if you have heard yourself say any of those things I have mentioned!

I didn’t know either, until my daughter, Becca, died. It makes me wonder how often I was like Job’s comforters, trying to offer my best solution to something I thought would help the person in deep pain, when I didn’t know what I was talking about.

So, what do I say instead?

Most often, nothing!

Let them know how sorry you are. Give them a hug, and just be with them. You can also look around to see what they need and make sure it gets done.

If you tell them, “Let me know If you need anything,” don’t expect us to contact you. After the death of our child, most of the time we don’t know what we need. If we do know, we aren’t usually going to make the effort to find someone who can help us with whatever it is. It’s just not in us – physically, emotionally, and often even spiritually. We don’t want to be around peppy people who want to try and make us feel better or fix us. We don’t want to be a burden. We are lost, confused, and in so much pain. We just want to know someone cares enough to:

  • Weep with us and hold our hand while we weep
  • Let us talk about our loss, maybe even go to the cemetery with us
  • Bring a meal for our family 2 months later, well beyond the 2-week supply from the church
  • Clean our house or do some of the laundry
  • Go for a walk with us, not with chatter that drains us, but allow us to feel what we need to feel in the silence
  • Share memories and look at pictures with us if we feel compelled to do so
  • Take our car and put gas in it for us, or if needed, have the oil changed, put new wiper blades on, etc.
  • Bless us by having a quilt made from our child’s T-shirts, or have a 3-D glass picture made from our favorite picture taken with our child, or something uniquely special we can treasure

And most importantly, to allow us to TALK ABOUT OUR CHILD. We are so afraid people will forget about him or her. One of the greatest gifts you can give a parent whose child has died it the gift of talking about their child with them.

You can also gently point them to places that have support and resources specifically for grieving parents. You may not be able to relate to their loss, but there are those who can, and who want to walk with them through the suffocating darkness of child-loss; those who have been in that place and can give them hope that it is possible to get through it to the other side and have hope and light again in their lives.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is one of those places. Some of the resources we have to offer are:
  • A weekly podcast
  • A weekly YouTube video
  • A weekly Word of Hope delivered by email
  • A monthly blog
  • Several award-winning books, including a coloring book/journal
  • A webpage with a free library of downloadable helpful resources
  • A monthly Share & Care online fellowship group

Just sent them to gpshope.org where they can poke around and find what is helpful to them.

There is something for you there as well. Just click on the front-page article I Know a Grieving Parent. You will find more there to help you understand some specific things a parent is dealing with after the death of their child, so you can even more effectively be a strength and support to them.

I pray this has been helpful. Thank you so much for wanting to know how to help a devastated parent who has lost their child from this earth. Your loving support means more to us than we will ever be able to put into words.

There are more things than were able to be mentioned in this article. If you would like to receive the PDF of Eight Things to Avoid and Eight Things to Do For a Grieving Parent, just submit your name and email address below. (It will put you on our mailing list to receive updates about GPS Hope and stories about those we are helping, but you can unsubscribe any time you no longer want to receive them.)

 

Laura Diehl is an award-winning author, national speaker and singer. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests.

If you would like to receive monthly updates on their travel adventures click here and submit your name and email at the bottom of the page.

Looking for a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference? Click here.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
  • If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
  • If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook and subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel for grieving parents.

Filed Under: Friends of GPS Hope Tagged With: Bible stories about grief, child loss support, comfort for grieving parents, faith in grief, GPS Hope resources, grieving after child loss, grieving parent resources, grieving parents, grieving tips, help for grieving parents, how to minister to grieving parents, how to support grieving parents, loss of a child, support for grieving parents, supporting grieving parents, what to say to grieving parents

April 14, 2020 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

52: The Difference a Year Can Make

This is episode 52, which means this episode completes a full year of the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast.

Because of this milestone, we are taking a break from the current series to share some thoughts about the difference a year can make.

Those of us who have lost a child from this earth are painfully aware of this. Usually after the death of our child, we can’t see any movement toward healing, especially those first couple of years. We feel like whenever we take one step forward, we fall 3 steps backwards. It’s too dark to make heads or tails of where we are or where we are going.

While it is extremely important to acknowledge that part of the process in going through the intense darkness, it is also important to acknowledge that a lot is happening in that first year, even when we don’t think so.

No matter how dark it is, each day gets us one day closer to the hope and the light we long for and desperately need. And as you begin to find yourself getting glimpses of hope and light in your life, another year can bring you to new places you never thought would happen, including the discovery of what you want to do to keep your child’s memory alive, in a way that helps others and reminds them that your child lived, and his or her life still matters!

No, our lives will never be the same, but we won’t always stay in that place we started out in that first year, even though it may seem like it.

Join host, Laura Diehl, as she looks at what a difference a year can make in getting past the horrible pain and to a place of hope, light, purpose and meaning again in our lives.

 

Links

Click here to celebrate the one-year anniversary with a $10 gift (or any amount, including to become a monthly supporter).

To contact Laura directly: laura@gpshope.org

 

Birthdays

Becca Diehl Howard was born on April 13 and is forever 29.

Carter Braun was born on April 13 and is forever 15.

Brandon Matos was born on April 14 and is forever 23.

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to

April 7, 2020 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

51: Three Things We Can Learn from Jesus’ Mother After the Death of Our Own Child

Since Easter is in just a few days, it seems like a good time to look at Mary, Jesus’ mother, as a parent who lost her child.

I had never taken the time to see Mary’s life through the eyes of a grieving parent. But as I began to study it out for this episode, I was amazed to discover, based on what are told about her life, how many ways we can relate to Mary as a bereaved parent.

Even beyond that, at first glance, it doesn’t seem like there is much in the Word about Mary as a grieving parent that could help us much. However, if we look a bit deeper, there are three important things we can learn from Mary’s life, that most of us can apply to our own deep loss.

Links mentioned in episode

Website: gpshope.org

Heart Decal on the Hope Mobile

Sponsor an episode in honor of your child

Birthdays:

Greg London was born on April 4 and is forever 34.

Michael Rhodes was born on April 11 and is forever 18.

Malish (Caspian) Aurova was born on April 11 and is forever 9 weeks old.

Megan Small was born on April 11 and is forever 21.

 

If you would like your child mentioned on the podcast the week of his or her birthday, click here to fill out the short form with the needed information.

The special song written for our children’s birthdays I Remember Well can be heard here.

 

Remember to Hold On Pain Eases; there is HOPE!

www.gpshope.org

 

To have Laura come and minister at your event, contact us at office@gpshope.org.

Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope) is here to walk with parents through the darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

It is a safe place for anyone who has lost a child from this earth. There is no shame or judgment in where you are in this journey, including if you are struggling in your relationship with God or your faith has been completely shattered.

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Recent Posts

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