Laura Diehl Archives - Page 3 of 3

July 7, 2019 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

Losing a Grandchild

Most of us have a special place in our hearts for our grandparents. With six grandchildren myself (and number seven on the way), I can assure you the feelings are mutual. Grandchildren have a very special place in our hearts as well.

When a grandparent loses a grandchild from this earth, they get hit with a double whammy. These precious grandparents face the personal loss of a big piece of their heart. But not only is there the intense pain of the hole in their heart that will never be filled, they have the added agony of watching their own child be plunged into an abyss of darkness, and there is nothing they can do about it.

Up until last summer, my husband and I were blessed to have all four of our parents still here on this earth. (Dave’s dad passed last July, and my dad passed last month), so all four of them were still here on earth when Becca died.

I am thankful I asked them a couple of years ago to share their thoughts with me about losing their granddaughter, because I have heard from several grandparents lately (some of them are the ones who found GPS Hope and connected their grieving adult child to us), and now I can share their thoughts with other grandparents.

I hope and pray their words bring hope and encouragement to any grandparents who have lost a grandchild and are reading this.

I’ll start with my mom. The death of my daughter, Becca, has caused me to lean on her, more than I ever have in life. And thankfully, she has been more than willing to allow me to do so. The bond between a mother and daughter is a special one, and I praise God for the mom He has given to me.

Through all the things our family went through over the years, it was so hard to see my dearly loved, first grandchild, struggle, time after time after time. But in some ways, it was even more difficult to watch my own daughter deal with crisis after crisis with Rebecca. The worst was to stand by and see my precious daughter’s deep grief at the loss of her precious daughter, as she has tried to learn how to cope and adjust to that reality.

How did I deal with all of this? I cried and I prayed a lot, clinging to the only One who can really bring any comfort at a time like this. I am thankful for the One who can express my heart to the Father, when I don’t really even know how to pray (per Romans 8:26).

As the years go by, I see more and more glimpses of beauty coming from the ashes, gladness instead of mourning, and praise instead of the spirit of despair (to paraphrase Isaiah 61:3). Life will never be the same, and there will always be sad moments, but life for the most part can become joyful and happy again. And that is the way that Becca would want it.

My dad was a pastor and a traveling evangelist in my growing up years, and his heart to see people come to know the love of Christ was deeply imbedded in him, even in his years of being home-bound with Parkinson’s. His thoughts have been on heaven for quite some time, even more so after his granddaughter went on ahead of him.

I am approaching this from a Christian’s point of view. Death is completely different when a Christian dies then when a non-Christian dies. I have experienced the emotion of both.

When we die in Christ, do we really die? The Scriptures tell us that we are alive in Jesus. We just leave this earth. We close the door to this earth and open the door to heaven to be with Jesus.

Death can be bittersweet, because we always hate to lose the ones we love. It’s especially hard on the mother of a child. It’s hard on all of us. But for me, I try to look past the death, and see where she (Becca) is today. Death is one thing all of us are going to face. Each one of us is going to die, and we know there is nothing we can do about it. It is actually part of living.

One of these days, and it might not be too long, I’m going to get to see her again. And I’m going to be able to walk around heaven with her, and with my other loved ones and friends I haven’t seen for many years who have gone there. I am going to get to see them again. And that will be a blessing.

And finally, some thoughts from my in-laws. Dave’s dad was a pastor for several years as well, and they were also missionaries in Poland and Australia after he retired. So they have seen a lot and have a strong faith in God through these tough times as well.

When you see your children struggle, you struggle, too, and you pray for them. It increases your prayer life. It’s hard watching them struggle with it. We just pray and help them through it.

When you get older, you look at it a little differently. I’m blessed to know that even though here, death separates us from our loved ones, up there, even death cannot separate us. I look forward to that, because I’ve got lots of ‘em up there. Knowing I am going to see them again softens the pain, but every time it leaves a mark.

What’s that song we used to sing? When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be! We’ll get to see all the loved ones we’ve lost and we’ll get to see all of those we read about in the Bible and I get to see my Jesus. To me, it will be the most exciting day of my life!

The thought of losing one of my grandchildren can almost terrify me if I allow it (thinking about both my own pain of that precious grandchild being gone and watching one of my kids going through the loss of one of their children). I am very thankful to have the views of mine and Dave’s parents, to remind me that this world is only temporary, and we will be with them again.

After the death of my dad last month, I wrote a song. It seems appropriate to share the chorus here with you:

A lifetime here is not enough for us to be together,

So God has made a way for it to be forever.

But until that day comes

I won’t make it through by letting go,

But holding on tight to the memories I treasure.

This is not good-by, I’ll see you later.

If you would like to listen to Laura sing Together Forever click here.

The quotes from Becca’s grandparents were taken from the book From Ring Bearer to Pallbearer: Giving a Voice to Bereaved Siblings and Grandparents. If you would like a free PDF copy of this book, just click this link.

Expressions of Hope is written by author, speaker and singer Laura Diehl. She and her husband, Dave, are the founders of Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (GPS Hope). Dave and Laura travel full time in their Hope Mobile (a 38-foot motor home) to be more easily available for speaking and ministry requests, including being invited to hold one-day GPS Hope & Healing conferences.

Laura is a national keynote speaker and has also been a workshop speaker for events such as The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences, along with being a guest on radio shows, podcasts and other media channels such as webinars with Open to Hope.

If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event or want more information on hosting a GPS Hope & Healing conference, click here.

GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss, guiding them to a place of hope, light and purpose.

We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.

Check out the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope weekly podcast
If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel.

March 9, 2016 by Laura Diehl Leave a Comment

How Can I Get Hope When I Don’t Have Any?

How do you get hope when you don’t have any? That’s a huge dilemma, isn’t it?

When our oldest daughter died, I found myself in a place of depression, blackness, and hopelessness. As I kept crying out to God for help, He not only brought me out of that place of hopelessness, but He used it to birth the ministry of GPS Hope and turned me into an author. (I wrote four books within 13 months, and it hasn’t stopped yet as I have almost completed book number five!) I now have a passion to bring others out of that place of hopeless darkness and into hope, light, and life.

You may be surprised, but there are actually many things we can do to open the door to hope in our lives. In this article, I am only going to talk about four of them. They are things you probably already know in your head, but I am praying after reading through this, you have a new revelation of them in your soul that you will act put into action.

Find things to be thankful for
Don’t be a slave to your grief
Connect with others who have hope
Take care of yourself

1. Find things to be thankful for.

As Christians, we are told so often to be thankful that we tend to tune it out. But it is so true! I have been in some extremely dark situations over the years. (I share some of them in Triple Crown Transformation.) My discovery over the years is that when I force myself to find things to be thankful for, it may not bring an immediate response to my soul; but as I continue and I build on it, a spark of hope begins to stir inside me.

Here are some suggestions on practical ways to make sure you find things for which to be thankful to God.

Keep a small notebook by your bed. Every night before lying down, write at least five things you can be thankful for. It might be a big event you were blessed to be a part of. It might be something as simple as, “I woke up today and got out of bed.” Hearing your children laugh, you have a place to live, you had money to get a haircut, you got to eat your favorite meal; these are all things to thank God for. It doesn’t matter how trivial others may see it. This is not for anyone else but you!
Set a timer for every hour or two hours. When it goes off, pause for a few seconds to thank God for something.
Before getting out of bed, take a minute to give a prayer of thankfulness to God. Be specific, and once again, it doesn’t matter how “trivial” the things you share with Him may seem. Start at whatever level you find yourself.

2. Don’t be a slave to your grief.

If you feel hopeless about a situation, there is probably grief involved. You have lost something important, whether it is a life-long dream, your financial circumstance, a job, an actual person, etc.

Any kind of slavery steals hope. When you’re hopeless, you are lost and in bondage.

May I present to you the thought that there is a difference between grief and self-pity? It is normal to have an initial shock, numbness, anger, intense sadness (or other negative emotions) to a deep loss of some kind. But there comes a point where it can cross over from grief to self-pity. The loss becomes our identity, and we let people around us continually know what happened to us. Some people identify this as a victim mentality. We allow ourselves to become a hopeless victim of the circumstance.

If this has happened to you, you need to make a conscious decision, a determined effort, to let go of how the loss wounded you. This includes obeying the command to forgive anyone involved in this unjust loss. (I address the struggle of forgiveness in a two part article, Giving Yourself the Gift of Forgiveness.) It is not a decision based on how you feel. It is a decision based on how you want to get out of the darkness and into a place of hope, and will do whatever it takes to get to that place.

Then you need to replace those lying negative thoughts in your head.

Find scriptures that speak hope (I have made a list which is available in our free GPS Hope Members Library). Copy them and post them in prominent places.
Find sayings that speak hope and life, and once again, copy them and post around your house, in your car and your work area.
When negative images come into your mind, force yourself to imagine the opposite. See pictures of yourself doing something full of life that you want to be able to do in the future.

3. Connect with others who have hope.

I cannot stress enough how important this is! The saying, “Misery loves company” is so true. If you spend your time with others who are in darkness, you are going to stay in the dark. If you spend time with others who are in the Light, it is going to shine into your darkness, giving you the beacon of hope you need.

Here are several suggestions to guide you in this.

Stay away from negative people! Remove them from your social media platforms. Don’t stand around and talk to them at church (yes, I said at church). Don’t sit with them in the breakroom at work. (I highly suggest doing this as discreetly as possible, not with some announcement that you are getting rid of the negative people in your life.)
Find generic Facebook pages (or other social media platforms) of Christians who have a calling and anointing on their lives as encouragers. (People like Joyce Meyers, John Maxell, Lisa Terquest, Max Lucado.)
Connect with people who have overcome in the specific area you are struggling in. There are many people who are throwing out a lifeline to those around them. They are on social media, writing books and blogs, making podcasts, putting videos on YouTube, and all kinds of other places.
Find a group of people who are walking in the Light, and plug in to it. (Organizations like Celebrate Recovery is a great place to start.)
Look for conferences and retreats. There is something about getting away where you can focus on allowing God to bring the hope you need through direct ministry, and time with the Holy Spirit. It catapults you in a way like nothing else seems to do. Ask God to lead you to the right event, and pray for Him to provide the finances, if that is an issue.

Obviously, making a choice to do these things means you have to put in a bit of effort. And once again, you might not see immediate results. But if you keep putting yourself in situations where you are seeing, hearing, and reading about life and light and hope, it is going to begin to draw you out of your hopelessness.

4. Take care of yourself.

The two things I am going to share may seem contradictory, but hear me out.

Exercise. This is something I fought for a long time. When you feel hopeless, discouraged and depressed, it can often be the last thing you want to do. I have been to the place where I didn’t have the emotional or physical energy to exercise, even if I wanted to (which I admit, I did not want to).

It has taken me years to have a recent breakthrough in this area. I believe it is because once hope started trickling in, it gave me the desire to want to take care of myself. It still took months for the desire to turn into a committed decision that I am actually following through on, not allowing how I feel to dictate what I do, or don’t do. I started out doing very little. Just 20 minutes of light exercise while listening to an encouraging podcast. However, the combination of the exercise and positive input has pushed me to a new level of going from just having hope, to anticipating what God has for my life.

You need to rest. Not just a physical rest, but an emotional rest along with it. When our daughter died, I spent countless hours in my prayer room, learning how to just rest in the loving arms of my Father God. The writer of Hebrews tells us to work hard to enter into a place of rest (Hebrews 4:11). I will confirm with my own experience, it is work, but it can be done. Learning to rest in God will bring hope into your life like nothing else can. The only way to receive this precious gift is to just do it. Make time for it. Keep at it. Don’t give up. To learn how to live life from a place of internal rest, peace and contentment, no matter what comes your way, is a valuable treasure worth the fight!

As I said at the beginning, there are actually many things we can do to set ourselves onto the path of hope. Please share in the comments below something God has shown you to do to find hope, when you don’t have any.

I want to end by speaking Romans 15:13 over you. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”