The Struggle of Waiting
Waiting is one of the hardest things to do, especially for parents who have lost a child. We find ourselves waiting for two things: for the pain to lessen, and for the day we’ll be reunited with our child again.
I’ve spent countless hours waiting—through Becca’s surgeries, Dave’s bypass surgery, and many other challenging moments. I once heard that the Biblical meaning of “wait” is “a carved work,” meaning that in the waiting process, God is doing a deep, unseen work in us. I’ve felt that deeply, especially in the aftermath of Becca’s death.
Trusting God in the Pain
While I don’t believe God caused Becca’s death, I do believe that He is present with us in our pain. He allows us the free will to make choices, but that doesn’t mean He leaves us when things go wrong. In our pain, He is doing a deep, hidden work in our hearts—transforming us even when we can’t see it.
The Question of Healing
Many grieving parents ask, “When will it stop hurting so much?” The pain can feel all-consuming, and we wonder if we’ll ever feel whole again. I remember one grieving parent saying she couldn’t imagine ever celebrating Christmas again. But with time, she slowly began to do so, just like I began to hope again.
Hope is powerful, even in the darkest moments. I still struggle at times, like when I miss Becca so deeply it overwhelms me. But deep inside, I know that hope is not gone. God promises that He is with us through it all, and one day, we’ll be healed.
The Power of Waiting
When we wait, God works in ways we can’t always see. The pain may never fully go away, but in the waiting, God is doing a carved work in us. So, even when you feel overwhelmed, remember that God is at work. Keep waiting. Keep hoping.
Your healing is coming, and you are not alone.
This was taken from the Grieving Parents Sharing Hope podcast, episode 261.
To hear all of what was shared on this topic, click here.
Grieving Parents Sharing Hope (
my ability and capacity for substantial change very difficult to obtain. I find that sometimes I use my grieving as a crutch and an excuse as to why I’m struggling to make changes. Yes, my grief can absolutely be the reason I struggle. But is it the only reason I often fail in sustaining my new year’s resolutions? That answer is no.
Since the death of your beloved child, how have you shackled your heart to protect yourself from other’s hurtful words? How have you created cement walls around your heart to protect it from further aches and pains? How have you stopped loving those special people in your life because the thought of losing another loved one is unfathomable?
see life’s beauty. Change the lens through which you are viewing your life. Deliberately find something that is beautiful and thriving every day.
Sharing Hope (
This is a perfect example of how your beliefs drive your thoughts. If you believe that staying in your pain will keep the memory of your child alive, then you will continue in that emotional state of despair. You will not be able to live a life of peace, hope, and fullness (which includes living a life of meaning and purpose again, not in spite of your child’s death, but because of his or her life).
When God created us, He did an amazing thing. One of the ways He made us in His image is by allowing us to think our own thoughts. He does not control our thoughts, even though He could. He allows us to think He is the evil one.
pain and darkness you have ever faced and turn it into a lie that God doesn’t love you, or that He has turned His back on you.
What you focus on is what you will grow. So, if you continue to focus on the pain and loss, it will grow until it is ready to consume you and overtake you. But if instead you think about, focus on, and give thanks for what or who you still have, that is what will begin to grow, and eventually it will bring you out of that deep dark place.
There are so many bittersweet events now. Almost one year to the day of Becca’s death, we had the blessing of a new little granddaughter coming into this world. She was given the name of Becca as a second middle name. And since then, we’ve had several more grandchildren come into this world, who will never know their Aunt Becca. Like I said, bittersweet.
grief trying to come in, I will pause and think of my beautiful Becca inheaven. She is experiencing the greatest celebration of all. I will remind myself that this earth is not my permanent home. “For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:18). At some point, life on this earth won’t matter, and we will all be united for eternity. What a glorious day that will be!
I’m not saying those things are not painful and that there is not a level of grief involved. I also know from others, as well as my own personal experience, that we can (and do eventually) get to a place where memories can warm our hearts instead of causing a stabbing pain. However, this article seemed to be saying that after you grieve the right way, you can move on with life and put the past behind you.
Lazarus died, it was only temporary. And yet we know Jesus wept. If you want to cry, go ahead and cry as hard as you need to. Park your car in the garage and have a good cry. Let your tears be the gift God gave them to be, allowing them to wash away some of the pain.
