I was unaware of this the first three years after my daughter died. It happens on the first Sunday in May each year, the week before Mother’s Day, as a special day to have our child, and our never-ending grief, acknowledged.
Many bereaved moms will draw or paint a heart on their hand on this day, writing their child’s name inside of it, to remind those around us that every day we still carry the love for our missing child in our hearts.
To me, having a day set aside like this is also a way to have a day that doesn’t take as much away from my other children wanting to celebrate my being their mother the following week. It kind of frees up my aching heart, since I am able to celebrate being Becca’s mom the week before Mother’s Day, while also allowing myself to lean into the painful reoccurring “fresh” grief this time of year.
This day was started by Carlie Marie in Australia, based on the death of her son, Christian, whom she gave birth to, knowing he had already died in her womb a few weeks previously. She says, “In 2010 I felt drawn to create International Bereaved Mother’s Day to help heal hurting Mother Hearts. International Bereaved Mother’s Day is intended to be a temporary movement. It is a heart centered attempt at healing the official Mother’s Day for all mothers. I believe that we can do this and that sometime in the near future there will be no need for this day at all because all true mothers will be recognized, loved, supported and celebrated.”
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want this to be a temporary movement. Yes, it would be wonderful if Mother’s Day was handled differently by most of the people around us. But it is also wonderful to have a special day set aside for all of us mothers who have a child no longer here with us; a day set aside to share our child with family and friends, to make sure he or she is never forgotten by others.
If you are a bereaved mother:
I encourage you to take advantage of this day coming up. Do whatever you want or need to do, to acknowledge the love you have for your child as a bereaved mom. If family and friends will join you, great! If not, WE will join you. We would love to have you share your child with us in the comments below the blog.
You can also go to our Facebook page and share your child with us there. Post a favorite photo of the two of you together, a picture of the heart drawn on your hand with his or her name in it, what you miss about them… whatever you want to share!
If you know a bereaved mother:
Many people think if they were 
to acknowledge the death of her child, it would make her upset with them for bringing up her child and her painful loss. The fact is, the exact opposite is true.
One of our greatest fears is that people will forget our child existed, so acknowledging our child and giving us an opportunity to talk about him or her is one of the greatest gifts you could ever give us!
- So, give her a big hug on International Bereaved Mother’s Day this Sunday (even if it has to be a virtual hug).
- Please make time and give her the precious gift of an opportunity to share her child with you.
- And then listen, and love on her as she loves on her child whom she will always carry deeply in her heart, just like every mother does.
And be aware that if you see a woman with a heart drawn on her hand in the next few days with a name inside of it, she is showing an outward symbol of an inward fact: we will continue to carry the love for that child in our hearts until the day we ourselves die and leave this earth.
Unfortunately, Mother’s Day can be a day with so many mixed and painful emotions, as many people are reminded of the earthly loss of their mothers or their children. If that is you, I am very sorry. My heart goes out to you.
And I especially pray that God 
will give each of you precious moms who have had to live through the death of your child, a beautiful day of sacred joy within the grief of remembering your precious child this Sunday, on International Bereaved Mother’s Day.
Would you like to have our list of Thirty Ways to Take Care of Yourself After the Death of Your Child? Let us know where you would like it sent, and we will do so right away.
GPS Hope exists to walk with grieving parents through the suffocating darkness of child-loss to a place of hope, light and purpose.
We also support families, friends and coworkers who want to know how to support these parents both short and long-term.
- If you are a bereaved parent, we encourage you to connect with us on Facebook.
- If you are not a bereaved parent but want to support those who are, or want to follow us as we give hope to these precious parents, please connect with us at Friends of GPS Hope on Facebook.
- Subscribe to Laura’s YouTube channel.
Expressions of Hope is written by author and speaker Laura Diehl. Laura is a national keynote speaker and also a workshop speaker for both The Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA national conferences. Laura has also been a guest on Open to Hope several times, and has hosted her own conferences, a virtual conference and many webinars. If you would like more information about Laura as a speaker for your next event, click here.
Barbara’s hair started turning white, which she attributes to her daughter’s illness and death. She was only 28 when her daughter died. Barbara Bush was known for that white hair, but it came at a high price. We change when our child dies, not just emotionally, but it takes a toll on us physically.
W. Bush) was instrumental in “saving her life” after Robin’s death. At seven years old, he wouldn’t go out and play with his friends, insisting his mom was lonely and needed him. Most of us who are blessed to have other children have the same testimony – our other children are what kept us barely going.
research before being buried. All of us want to know that the life of our child mattered and somehow affects other lives for the better. Some of us are able to connect in some way to a cause, based on how our child died. Others put scholarship funds in place, write books or start organizations. We give gifts or have something permanently placed in a public venue in our child’s name. We are determined that our child’s life and legacy will somehow live on.
we are taken from this earth and join our child. But each day we are here brings us one day closer. And each day here is an opportunity to live in a way that honors the life of our precious child.
I find it very sad when people walk away from God because He didn’t give them the answer they wanted to a prayer. God is not a vending machine where we put in the prayer, push a button, and the solution we want drops out for us.
have a choice to say yes or no. When we ask God for something, He has the choice to say yes or no. Did I want Him to say yes and allow Becca to stay here on this earth? Of course I did, with every fiber of my being! As a matter of fact, I believed He was actually going to heal her heart, either through a miracle or through a heart transplant. I was totally blindsided when she died—even though she was very sick.
good. However, decisions made based on emotions are quite often wrong. I encourage you to make the difficult choice to trust Him, not based on whether or not you get what you want, but based on the fact that if you cannot see His goodness in your situation yet, it means He isn’t done working on your behalf.
question becomes: Are you going to make it based on anger, resentment or frustration? Or are you going to move beyond that, believing He knows how to make right decisions for everyone involved, and that He was not willing to compromise in the moment, but held fast because He sees what we cannot see, and knows what we do not know?
mourning process. We cannot go around it. And it always takes so much longer than we want it to, or think it will. I remember two years in saying, “I just want to stop hurting so bad!”. Since that time, I have had several 
I was immediately embraced with warmth and love and acceptance. I felt like a long-lost sister! I am tearing up right now, just thinking about it.
and online groups to help pull me out of the suffocating darkness, but so much of what was out there was despair and hopelessness, telling me that life would never be the same and never be worth living. I had a hard time with that.
We recently had the blessing of spending some time with Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan. He was so very gracious, and thanked us for reaching out in our pain to other grieving parents. We were also able to make him aware of the Parental Bereavement Leave Act in committee right now, which is a needed amendment to the FMLA, allowing twelve weeks of unpaid leave for grieving parents (like it does when a child is born or adopted).
It can make me cringe and feel sick to my stomach when I think about the possibility of people forgetting Becca. I don’t care so much if they remember me, but I want them to know who my children are when I am gone. I am guessing you are the same way.
to live in a way that honors the life of our child. Our grief is real. The suffocating darkness takes over, and we have no choice. But at some point (often two or three years down the road) we see a glimmer of hope that we actually can have a full life beyond the death of our child. When we begin to realize that, we have a choice to make. Am I going to live out my life in a way of hopelessness and despair that honors the death of my child, or am I going to find a way to rise above this darkness and live my life in a way that honors the life of my child?
can go to remember your son or daughter; a place that will help you reflect on memories of their life, as opposed to being in a cemetery (or staring at their ashes in an urn) which tends to cause more painful thoughts of their death.
Someday, all of us who are alive right now will be long gone, and eventually, no one will be left who knew us. But there are things we can do to make sure our children will be thought of and remembered by many, extending beyond our own lives when we leave this earth to join them.
